T.O. has no apology for bad comedy
Terrell Owens knows melodrama and controversy, but does he know comedy?
The new Comedy Central series "Tosh.O" last week featured a video clip of Owens taking his place behind the mike at a fake news conference, where Owens said, "It's going to be a busy season; I figure I better get all my future apologies out of the way now.
"I'd like to apologize to my teammates and the coach for my excessive celebrations. I guess I'm the only one who gets excited.
"I would like to apologize for the 'Joe Buck Show.' Someone needs to apologize for that show.
"I'm sorry to ESPN 'SportsCenter' for dominating your highlights all the time. I know I am really awesome and make awesome plays, but in the interest of fairness, you got to show other people.
"I'm sorry about Windows Vista. It's not the operating system I thought it would be.
"I apologize for the stock market, for the housing market and the cash-only policy at most farmers markets."
Owens didn't apologize for his apologies, which weren't as funny as the concept of him being happy in snowbound, playoff-deprived Buffalo.
• WILD FOR THE WILD CARD -- The San Francisco Giants have been down for so long, second place sounds like heaven to at least one member of the team.
"There's a lot of season left," Giants pitcher Randy Johnson said, "but as good as the Dodgers are playing right now, and if you look at what wild-card teams have done in the past -- some have won the World Series -- the important thing is just to get to the playoffs.
"Considering the struggles of this organization in recent years, if you're getting in via the wild card, it would be pretty exciting for the team, the ownership and the fans. You get there however you get there. Then every playoff team starts from scratch."
The Giants and Dodgers both have more than 80 games left on their schedules.
• DON'T BACK OVER GRANDPA! -- Officials at St. Mary's Church in Wimbledon Village, which raises money for charity by charging tennis fans to park on its property, got quite a shock this year when they discovered cars were being wedged into the church cemetery.
"We were told: 'Go and reverse between these gravestones,' " London resident Melanie Allcock told BBC Radio. "I thought: 'This is very odd.' But we did it and went to Wimbledon."
Church officials apologized profusely after declaring it a 6-foot fault.
• ARE THEY IN THE NBA? -- Late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien, on the Clippers' drafting forward Blake Griffin: "The Los Angeles Clippers had the No. 1 pick in today's NBA Draft, and they selected last year's college player of the year, Blake Griffin. Griffin said he's dreamed about playing professional basketball his entire life, but he's also fine with playing for the Clippers."
• HISTORIC SETBACK -- Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the stunning U.S. soccer win in the Confederations Cup semifinals: "The last time something this embarrassing happened to Spain, the Armada was involved."
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