Tourney provides bankable laughs

The combination of a faltering economy and a pulsating NCAA Tournament has created loads of fodder for late-night comedians.

David Letterman last week commented on how quickly the tournament whittles itself down -- from 65 to one in a little more than two weeks.

"It's like GM stock, when you think about it," he said.

From Jay Leno: "As you may know, President Obama has made his prediction for the Final Four. ... The only ones left standing after next week will be Citigroup, Chase, Bank of America and Morgan Stanley."

Jimmy Kimmel steered clear of the economy, unless you consider how the price of marijuana is affecting college students. Quipped Kimmel: "I love the NCAA Tournament. It's a pleasure to see these young college kids passing something other than a joint, isn't it?"

• TRIVIA TIME -- In 1985, the Big East Conference sent three teams to the Final Four. Name them.

• KILLERS CONTRACTS -- Every professional team has at least one -- a player's contract it regrets. Tim Dierkes of MLB Trade Rumors did some research and recently presented his 45 worst contracts in baseball.

The Dodgers and Angels had three on the list. Gary Matthews Jr. represented the Angels with his five-year, $50 million contract. Wrote Dierkes: "The Halos were enticed by Matthews' career year, but at least they've acknowledged their mistake by reducing his role."

Jason Schmidt (three years, $47 million) and Juan Pierre (five years, $44 million) made the list for the Dodgers. They would have had three, but Andruw Jones (two years, $36.2 million) is now the Texas Rangers' problem.

• FAN FARE -- Thursday in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio, police arrested a man for making phone calls to Nationwide Arena threatening a goaltender during the Blue Jackets' game against the Calgary Flames.

How did the police find their man, one Peter Stenzel of Dublin, Ohio?

Easily. Caller ID took them to the man's house, where police found him wearing a Flames shirt.

• DROP SHOT -- "Anna Kournikova rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange one morning (last) week," noted Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix.

"Moments later the Dow Jones index fell 6-0, 6-0."

• THREE-DOWN TERRITORY -- Former NFL referee Jerry Seeman went 73-plus years without hitting a hole-in-one, then bagged three aces in three weeks in Palm Springs, Calif., the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported.

No word on whether he had to flag his bar tab for excessive celebration.

• TRIVIA ANSWER -- Villanova, Georgetown and St. John's. Villanova defeated Georgetown, 66-64, for the championship.

• BAD LIE -- David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, after golfer Henrik Stenson stripped down to his underwear to play a shot out of the mud: "We may have to start calling it the PG-13 Tour."

LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL WIRE SERVICES