Let your heart and head guide college choices

I am 19 years old. I have been asked by everyone my whole life what I want to become, but I never came to find out what. I have changed my major three times already. I feel like so many people around me know already what they want to become except me.

My girlfriend, who I have been going out with for five months, knew that she wanted to be a surgeon at the age of 12. She is currently majoring in biomedical engineering at the University of Cincinnati. I hope that next year I have my major set and am able to transfer there to be with her.

I feel like I have known her for years, but it has only been months. We always tell each other that we are soulmates and we will never leave each other. Is it too soon to just go out there and transfer schools, because I do love her so much, and she loves me also. She is going to med school for the Army, which will eventually have her moving from place to place. I feel I can handle all that, but am I thinking too soon?

It is really hard being in a long-distance relationship. The sooner I move out there, the easier it should be for us. I just have to really find out what I want to be.

-- K.N., Las Vegas

First things first, good man: It is soooo not time to panic. Why? Because you are 19 years old -- you lucky dog! So take a breath. Relax. Trust yourself. And trust the universe. If you are willing to listen carefully to your heart and to the energies of the world around, it will be impossible for you to miss your vocational path.

Impossible, I say. You can't not find it. For your true vocation wants very much to find you. It will seek you like a pursuing lover.

Has anybody told you yet that the average American college student changes his or her major three times in the course of a four-year career? Yep. The voices inside of you clearly want to tell a negative story about this. Something is wrong with you. You are shiftless. Unfocused. Perhaps immature. But I'd like to tell you a very different story. An exciting story of a great adventure.

The word "university" is from the Latin universalis, and means "finding your place in the universe." Ain't that cool! Finding your place in the universe! I'm saying, K.N., that's what a classical education is for. I went to college to follow my father into chiropractic. In my third semester I took Psych 101. Changed my major the next day.

Consider the words education and vocation, both Latin. Educare equals "to call out." Vocare equals "life's calling." We attend a university to find our place in the universe. Quality education calls us out. Meaning, it introduces us to us! We find out who we are. Then Life calls the person we are to the world's need -- vocation!

In a word, K.N., you are right on schedule.

Ah, but there's this girl. Soulmates. But a voice inside of you says, "too soon," that not enough time has passed to justify such a radical move. I think this speaks volumes about your maturity, your manhood and your depth. Great love is like growing beautiful roses: Only an idiot would impatiently thrust his grubby fingers into a rose bud because he couldn't wait for it to bloom.

You ... are not an idiot.

And, you're right: Long-distance relationships are hard, complex and require lots and lots of depth, strength, trust and courage to see through to an integrated union. It's easy to see why, statistically speaking, so many of these post-high school/college long-distance love affairs eventually stumble to an end. Both of you are immersed in finding your place in the universe. Changing so much and so fast. And without the nurturing continuity of geographic proximity.

But not all of these relationships spin out. A few survive to enter life partnership. Yours could be one of them.

So, what will you do as you watch the rose unfold? You will continue to put one foot in front of the other in college. You will meet your emerging self. You will listen to your heart.

And you will miss a girl. Miss her terribly. Unless your courage fails and you decide that protecting yourself from the pain of missing her is more important than missing her.

Longing grows the human heart. It makes more room for love.

Originally published in View News, Jan. 4, 2011.