Your ‘friend’ can get you a deal?

It's one of those chirpy radio ads that, by its very saccharine tenor, makes my eyes roll out of their sockets.

"You've got a 'friend' in the business!" the announcer says. "From now till Saturday, you'll save as though you've got a 'friend in the business' here at XYZ motors (not their real name) ... ."

Yes indeed, XYZ motors might be having a sale to end all sales. I can buy that one. But the misconception lurking behind this innocent jingle is a philosophical rather than commercial one.

The implication is that when you have friends or family who are in the car business, you'll get a terrific deal from them. Maybe yes, but there's much more to it than that.

In fact, my relatives' experience has borne out exactly the opposite: They were extremely dissatisfied after buying a car from my cousin. How so?

Several of us got into the discussion the other day in front of the water cooler. People tend to trust their car-biz contacts too much, lulling the buyers away from doing their homework. So when a pal calculates less-than-bargain prices, you're more likely to unwittingly blink prettily and say, "Sure." This is not to say that it's intentional.

Your friend selling the car -- making his or her livelihood doing so, remember -- might have some assumptions, too.

It's like you're expecting to get a better deal than you should get, because you're friends or family, and then the person selling the car is thinking maybe they shouldn't be asking as much as they want to, because you're friends.

In short, whoever feels they got the best deal could take a lot of guilt with them. Whoever doesn't, might feel they were taken advantage of, whether it be the buyer or seller. And that can put a genuine strain on any relationship and becomes even worse when family and friends are involved.

For example, friends of mine approached a relative who sells cars. It's a long and sordid story, but my friends ended up with the wrong car. And because of the personal relationship, they somehow felt obligated to keep the car when they discovered it didn't have the key options they thought they were getting.

Despite our pushing (which probably didn't help), they still wouldn't discuss the problem with the dealership, who, upon discovering the mix-up, most likely would have fixed the problem. But it has been several months, so I guess we'll never know.

There's a flip side to the issue, and that's the problem of telling your best friend that you don't want to buy from him. From my experience, it's best not to bring it up in the first place. Most professionals understand that car purchases are very personal decisions. But a less understanding acquaintance could be hurt or even angered if you don't go to him or her. A case in point: A few years ago I talked my mother into visiting the dealership that sold me a midsize car. A social acquaintance of mine just happened to be a salesman there. I suggested she check out the place more out of my own experience than out of loyalty to my friend.

Mom tried out one of their cars, decided it wasn't for her, and moved on. As it turned out, she was looking for a big luxury car. My friend, however, politely harangued the heck out of her for weeks afterward. Running into my salesman friend at the mall one day, he asked me what she was driving and I had to tell him she had decided on something else.

In retrospect, we should have just stayed away from him altogether instead of tantalizing him with the prospect of a sale that was never to be.

The moral of the story? While buying a car should be a pleasant experience, understand that business and friendship seldom mix. Don't think of your car salesman as your buddy, even if he or she really is. It's a business relationship and you need to keep it that way. Do your homework and ask a lot of questions (as you would whenever you're planning to buy a vehicle) and you'll come home satisfied every time and your friends will stay your friends.

Rhonda Wheeler is a journalist with Wheelbase Communications, a worldwide supplier of automotive news, features and reviews. You can e-mail her by logging on to www.wheelbase.ws/mailbag.html.