Will I ever find work again?

Every morning I wake up with a newfound optimism that "today" will be the day I get a call. Maybe not even a call for an interview, just a call acknowledging someone may have received my resume and they actually took the time to get my name and phone number. That alone, to me, is something that would acknowledge my own existence.

As hours pass each day, that optimism fades until night has come and the depression sets in.

The weekdays are bad enough, as each day seems to fade into the next. Monday could be a Wednesday which could be a Friday.

But it's the weekends that I dread the most. This is a time working people look forward to the most, as it is "their" time. For me, it's now a time I wish would pass quickly as I know it is a time I will get no calls. Yet it seems to be the slowest 48 hours of all. Funny how it all works. For an employed person the weekends pass like the blink of an eye. For the unemployed, they are an eternity.

It is not only exhausting to follow through with the job search each and every morning, but the sway in emotions from morning to night takes their own toll on a person.

One's own value and self-worth are constantly coming in question.

Much like this is now a buyer's market in the housing industry, this is certainly an employer's market in the hunt for work. What used to be just a handful of competitors for any one job, there are now 20, 30, 50 or more vying for that one position. Employers know full well that they hold the cards in the job seekers poker "search game." What used to be well-paying jobs are no more -- with salaries slashed by nearly half.

What used to be as simple as thumbing through the local newspaper or word of mouth from a friend or past acquaintance has now turned into registering on multiple job search websites and a resume written by a Pulitzer Prize winner. It requires the very real possibility of having to uproot from the place your seeds have been sown. It is like a band of virtual gypsies converging via the Internet for that one job prospect.

It is the risk of uprooting and accepting a position in a land unknown that leaves a very uneasy feeling. Do you jump at the first offer? Your time to think about your decision and weigh your options is counted in micro-seconds. If you hesitate even the slightest, the employer knows there is another gypsy right behind you ready to take down his tent and claim what could have been yours.

It's no longer about a decent salary and the added perks like allowances, company vehicle, vacation and personal days. It's about selling your soul to the employer who holds "the cards."

No more time to think about whether or not you may make an extra $5,000 or $10,000 elsewhere. It's about jumping into your future blindly, accepting whatever it is that has been offered, and "hoping" it works out for the best.

It is that "hope" that seems to be fading much like the light from a sunset that ends each and every day.

I used to have pride in serving my country. I used to have pride in learning a profession "hands-on" and working as hard as I could each and every day. I used to have pride in all that I had. Nowadays it's hard to be proud about anything.

Frank Holik, a former construction supervisor who has been out of work since February 2009, writes from Las Vegas.