Delivering the ‘State of the Column’ address

I hope you will indulge me taking today off, in a way, to catch up a bit with readers. Every now and again I lift my head above the fray and notice that recurring issues, questions and other considerations start to stack up, like so many jetliners circling a busy airport waiting for permission to land.

So, let's talk! Guess you could say this is a "State of the Column" address combined with an effort to respond to your frequently asked questions.

I often hear from readers that reading my column feels like a dialogue. This makes me happy, because it's at the core of my aims. Yes, I transmit information and share any number of opinions, prejudices and even the risk of definitive conclusions. But the real heart of my hope for this column is quite simple: I'm inviting you to think, feel and be. For real. There are few things more enjoyable to me than the company of people who have a passion for the vocation of being human.

My first book arrived in Las Vegas this past March. Still kinda surreal to hold it in my hands. Like, "Gee, look, wow, I guess I wrote a book." The best gift in the book for me has been my publisher packing me off to book signings. Because that's where I've finally had the opportunity to meet so many of you.

There is a fascinating layer of distance between a columnist and a reader. Weird, because those are my words and my photo sitting naked inside the Living section. But, seriously, three years and 250 or so columns later, wanna know how many times I've been recognized by a reader in public? Twice. Once at the gym. And once at the Draft House, watching the Green Bay Packers.

Meeting readers at the signings has been rich for me. Turns out there is a lively core of folks out there who are alive, who think deeply and feel passionately. Shaking your hands, looking into your eyes and listening to a few paragraphs of your experiences make me feel less alone in the universe.

How do I select a topic for Sunday's Human Matters? I have no idea. The column genie just walks out of a cloud, grabs me by the collar and says: "Write about this. Now."

How do I select the reader question(s) to answer in Tuesday's Asking Human Matters? Another lame answer: Something about the question catches my eye, my mind, my heart. It's a different thing every time.

Yes, I will protect your anonymity. If you ever see the initials "N.W.," that stands for Name Withheld, meaning that some folks don't even want their initials published.

When confidentiality demands it, I'll swap times and places, genders, to protect confidences while still transmitting the true and real import of the moment.

No, I do not answer every question. I simply can't. No, I do not answer questions privately; though, as time permits, I sometimes dash off a referral, a book recommendation or other resources that might be useful. Never do I "do therapy" via e-mail.

Do I answer my mail? Faithfully, but with the following stipulations:

My faithfulness is limited to the mail sent to my R-J e-mail address. I do have a "land" mailbox at the R-J, but I collect its contents only every quarter or so.

I make it a rule to never reply to anonymous mail. About once a year I break this rule, and I always regret it.

For those who read my column online: Last December, I made a personal decision to stop reading/responding to the "comments" section. With some exceptions, it just wore on my soul. Again, that anonymity thing -- it invites strange, depressing, sometimes creepy energy. So jump in if you enjoy that public forum, but I will never see it.

I'm fine with dissenting opinion, passionate disagreement or even if you think I'm Satan. But you'll only get one nudge from me to mind your manners. I'm English, and I insist on some modicum of decorum, especially if you don't like me.

No, I'm not officially syndicated, though my column does appear in at least four other Stephens Media newspapers. One is in Hawaii. But so far not one offer to fly me there for a book signing. What's that about?

So you keep reading. I'll keep writing. I'm enjoying your company.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Tuesdays and Sundays. Questions for the Asking Human Matters column or comments can be e-mailed to skalas@reviewjournal.com.