A hate list of directors who act

It's time for today's Top 5 question: Which film directors do you love, except when they act in their own movies, and then you hate them?

Today's answers come from comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, who performs tonight at Sunset Station. His list:

1. Quentin Tarantino. 2. Woody Allen: "Every movie post-'Husbands and Wives' is creepy and destroyed the movie -- and that might be the timing of when he started (expletive) his daughter." 3. Peter Bogdanovich, last seen "destroying" "The Sopranos." 4. M. Night Shyamalan, obviously. 5. And the late Sydney Pollack: "He is so stilted" in "Tootsie."

I told Fitz he just decreased his odds of getting cast by any of those living directors.

"That's fine. I've never been hired in a film in my life!" Fitzsimmons, 44, says.

Fitzsimmons, an Emmy-winning writer, hosts my new favorite podcast, Fitzdog, plus a show on Sirius radio's Howard 101.

He'll be on TV all next week promoting a new book on Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman and Chelsea Handler.

In the book, he writes about his childhood as an Irish-American kid growing up in the neighborhood where "Mad Men" is set.

And he reprints real letters his teachers mailed to his mother. The book is called "Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons." In one letter, a teacher admonishes Greg at age 5 for not knowing what a caboose is.

AROUND TOWN

Tao celebrates its fifth anniversary with a 9:30 p.m. Saturday red carpet at club Tao featuring Jack Osbourne, Karina Smirnoff, Christina Milian and Brittny Gastineau. ... Far East Movement performs Saturday at club Surrender. ... It's First Friday around Main Street and Charleston Avenue . ... The SEMA car show wraps today at Las Vegas Convention Center. ... Adultcon porn and lifestyle convention goes down today at Bally's. ... There's a book fest (VegasValleyBookFesti val.org). ... Martorano's meatball eating contest is noon Sunday at Rio, featuring Joey Chestnut, the Tiger Woods of chowing down. ... Paul Oakenfold spins late Saturday at Palms' Rain. ... X rocks Tony Hawk's Stand Up for Skateparks on Saturday at Wynn. Hawk and Shaun White perform on Hawk's personal ramp. ... And Good Charlotte rocks a CD-release concert at 6 p.m. Saturday at Palms Lounge.

SAY WHAT?

"I actually can get out of a straightjacket." -- Actor and magician Jason Alexander, performing comedy at MGM. See my interview in today's Neon section.

Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. E-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.