Jonas Brothers: Gone in less than 60 seconds

The Jonas Brothers say they're super into Jesus -- but now they're acting as if they think they're Super Jesus.

The virginal Disney pop trio -- who wear "purity rings" at ages 21, 19 and 18 -- flew to Las Vegas on Sunday and rode to the nearest movie theater (Town Square). The group, girdled by handlers, said hi to teens who leapt from theater seats, then walked out the door in less than one minute.

The brothers left fans in the dark. They left me holding the bag. Girls swarmed me en masse. They didn't get to see their favorite Jonas! Could I take them backstage?! There was crying, sobbing and weeping (all variations). Repeatedly, I heard, "Is that it? They're not coming back?"

These fans knew the Jonases would pop in for this screening of "Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience." On the film's opening night, Friday, movie people told girls at theaters they should buy tickets to see the film again at 4 p.m. Sunday at Town Square, because the Jonases would be there.

The stunt was too cute by half. The theater I saw the Jonas Brothers in wasn't full. The movie came in only second place in weekend sales. Worst of all, young fans were happy to see the Jonases in person, but were disturbed by the one-minute-ness of it.

This was, duh, preying on kids. Imagine if, say, Nickelback appeared for only one minute at a theater of adult fans. There'd be rioting.

When I stepped outside the theater, two girls slumped on the ground, backs to a wall, crying so hard, tears made the ink run ("I [heart] Jonas") on their cheeks. They wore flip flops, shorts with "Jonas" on the butt, and T-shirts admitting "O.J.D." for "obsessive Jonas disorder."

These two girls had tried giving flowers to the band, but the band wouldn't take them.

"We gave the flowers to the manager, and he said he'd give them to them with our names, and I just hope!" one of them said, then sobbed so hard she had to pause, then continued, "that they get our flowers! And we'll meet them someday, because we know we'll meet them someday!"

"That was the best thing in my life," Shawna Connolly, 18, said. She looked so sad, crying. I asked her if she was happy to have seen the Jonas Brothers or disappointed. "We're not disappointed. I know next time, we'll get to meet them!"

I asked Connolly's friend if they even got close enough to smell the Jonas Brothers.

"No, we didn't. Are you kidding me?!" She said. "If we had done that, we wouldn't even be ALIVE right now."

"I can't believe ..." Connolly said, pause, more crying. "Let's go fix our face. ... They didn't even see us."

"They PROBABLY saw," her friend said, "because we were jumping really high!"

Some girls didn't have tickets but were able to use Vegas pull. Paige Maddux, 15, was stuck in the lobby until her dad, baseball hero Greg Maddux, showed up and whisked her to the band's side.

"I'm in love with them," Paige told me. Nick's her favorite because "he's cute, and he's the youngest."

It was there, inside the theater, after the Jonases fled, where Heather Kalb, 13, and her friends rushed me.

"Is that it? They're not coming back out?"

No, sorry.

Heather loves Nick Jonas (he's 18, plays guitar, has diabetes) because he's so shy and so cute. But she loves Joe most. Joe (19, the cutest) is funny and passionate about singing. She sings, too, and she WILL make it in this business, and if she ever falls down, she'll get right back up.

"I saw Amy Winehouse at the airport, but she doesn't inspire me," Heather said.

"I NEED to see Kevin. I'm gonna start crying," Haley Fortezzo, 13, said, crying.

A boy appeared. Jordan Mashal, 11. He wanted me to put his band's MySpace in the paper. It's MySpace.com/Pure4321.

Haley was still crying.

"I love Kevin. I want to meet him. Kevin is amazing. I can't believe he was here. I'm bawling. I wish they were still here!" she said. "Is there any way we can go backstage?"

Not every girl in the front row was a No. 1 teardrop.

"We're not, like, stalker fans," Taylar Cholewinski, 14, said. "We just want to meet celebrities. We like their music."

"They're cute," her friend Jacqueline Herrera, 14, said.

"What if they weren't cute," I asked.

"We'd still like them," Taylar said.

But after she saw the Jonas Brothers and touched one of them, Taylar was deflated.

"I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be," she said.

She and Jacqueline stayed and watched the movie. Jacqueline, wearing her purity ring, was really into the Jonas Brothers two years ago, but "they kind of faded with me." She texted me later:

"I didn't think I would scream and run after them like I did ... lol."

I can believe it. And I think Jonas Brothers fans are worth more than one minute of attention, even if the Jonas Brothers don't.

What do you think? Tell me at delfman @reviewjournal.com, or post your reviews and rants at reviewjournal.com/elfman. My column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays.