A cheerleader’s over-exposure

Mike Huckabee likes to speak in metaphors. He offered one not too long ago when asked whether he was interested in being John McCain's running mate.

He said the head cheerleader doesn't publicly announce that she'd like to go to the prom with the quarterback.

He's the cheerleader and McCain is the quarterback, in case you were unclear.

So that was infinitely better than the stunt the cheerleader pulled the other day. She did a full somersault without wearing any underpants, thus exposing her posterior.

Then she announced over the school intercom that she was sorry she'd forgotten her drawers that day and that she wanted to go to the prom with the quarterback anyway.

It did manage to put the quarterback on the spot. Did the drawer-less incident make him less inclined or more to ask the cheerleader to the prom?

Enough with the metaphor, at least for a couple of paragraphs.

What Huckabee actually did was make what some called a joke, but which I certainly didn't, about someone trying to shoot Barack Obama. There was a loud noise off-stage as Huckabee spoke at a National Rifle Association convention. Huckabee said it was Barack hitting the floor because someone had aimed a gun at him.

No one laughed.

Two days later Huckabee went on "Meet the Press" and said he was sorry for the poor judgment of his bombed attempt at humor and that he'd love to run on the ticket with McCain.

This time I laughed.

What the quarterback needs to consider is whether the underpants-less flip was an isolated miscue by the cheerleader or part of a broader pattern of exhibitionism.

I suggest a broader pattern. I think the cheerleader has a problem. I'm not even sure she owns any undergarments. She may be a regular Britney Spears wannabe.

Huckabee has a history of quip-addiction, of hyperbole, of inappropriateness.

He once said I was constipated. He once said Fred Thompson needed a dose of a certain digestion aid. He once told the Arkansas Legislature -- this was in a public address -- about how happy male cows and happy female cows make lots of little cows. He once said in another legislative address that we need fewer towel-poppers in the locker rooms. He once said that a reporter's reference to vibrators rubbed him the wrong way. He once said he didn't want to criticize the Republican Party because his dog "will pee on everything, but won't soil his own house."

If you think I've carried this metaphor of posterior exposure over the line, as perhaps I have, please consider that Huckabee already had us over there. That's where he lives. It's a result of what perhaps is, on his part, a troubling fixation with certain anatomical regions and functions.

Look, if Dan Quayle can be vice president, so can Huckabee. If George W. Bush can be president, so can Huckabee.

The bar hasn't merely been lowered; it's been submerged.

But if I were McCain, I'd think long and carefully about whether I wanted to share such a life-memorable occasion as my prom with this particular date.

Maybe it depends on the quarterback's agenda.

A postscript: Articles on Huckabee's speeches need to start carrying a standard editor's note and disclaimer, which should read, "Warning: This article contains quotations from Mike Huckabee."

John Brummett, an award-winning columnist for the Arkansas News Bureau in Little Rock, is author of "High Wire," a book about Bill Clinton's first year as president. His e-mail address is jbrummett@ arkansasnews.com.