Higher education really needs a sense of humor

In all the years I worked on the top floor of One Herald Plaza, I never bumped into humor columnist Dave Barry. I never got invited up to the roof to fire potatoes into Biscayne Bay from his hair spray-powered spud gun.

["We decided to fire the potato gun from the roof of my place of employment, The Miami Herald (motto: 'We Are Still Keeping An Eye On Gary Hart'). Let me stress that The Miami Herald is a responsible institution that does NOT ordinarily allow people to shoot potatoes from its premises. We were able to do it only because we met the very strict requirement of not asking for permission."]

Barry worked days at the morning Herald and I overnight at the afternoon News. It was a joint operating agreement akin to the one between the Review-Journal and the Sun. When the News' circulation fell too low in 1988, the owners renegotiated, closed the paper and took a percent of Herald profits through 2021.

Barry was one of the Herald's stars. I especially enjoyed his discovery of the unique flora and fauna of Dade County when the newspaper finally insisted he actually live in the community he was writing for.

["I was from Pennsylvania, where lawns are harmless ecosystems consisting of 93% crab grass, 6% real grass and 1% cute little critters such as worms, ladybugs and industrious worker ants. ... Your South Florida lawn, on the other hand, is a seething mass of carnivorous organisms, including land crabs, alligators, snakes, lizards the size of small dogs, and giant hairy spiders that appear to have recently eaten small dogs and are now wearing their pelts as trophies."]

Image my surprise to find the funnyman at the center of a First Amendment firestorm, so to speak.

A student at Marquette University had the audacity to post on his door a quote from this noted radical rabble-rouser: "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government."

Truth should amount for something, but the university administration called the quotation "patently offensive" and took it down. One administrator curiously said that "while I am a strong supporter of academic freedom, I'm afraid that hallways and office doors are not 'free-speech zones.' "

I did not know Marquette used the zone defense against free speech. I'm more of a one-on-one guy, myself.

The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE for short) came to the student's defense. Despite numerous letters from FIRE and from Barry, as well as news stories and angry alumni, Marquette never admitted it did anything wrong.

FIRE has named Barry an honorary vice chairman for its 10th anniversary celebration and released a video of the "patently offensive" insurrectionist talking about free speech, which can be seen at: http://tinyurl.com/l997s3.

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I think former Family Court Judge Robert Lueck is obsessed with me.

His legal filings in his ongoing effort to sue the Review-Journal for libel are, well, unhinged.

He sued the newspaper and reporter Ed Vogel over stories published during his 2006 bid for a seat on the Family Court. Vogel recounted public records detailing how a District Court judge had sealed his child support dispute with an ex-wife.

In a rambling, 39-page motion fighting our attorneys' efforts to have the libel case tossed on summary judgment, Lueck quoted from one of my columns in which I discussed the merits of rational debate. To which, Lueck implored, "Spare us the bull, Tom."

He liked the sound of that so much he used it again on the next page.

Well, the judge did, in fact, grant the summary judgment and threw out the case as meritless, because the paper had fairly and accurately quoted from public records.

Lueck has since filed an opposition asking the judge to reopen the case because he "materially misapprehended the law." Not satisfied with arguing the facts of the case and the applicable law, Lueck used the opportunity to compare himself to me.

"Here are the differences between the plaintiff and the low esteemed Mr. Mitchell," writes Lueck. "Plaintiff is a member of Mensa, the society of people whose IQs are in the upper 2% of the population. Tom is not."

I wonder whether the judge who threw out the case is a member of Mensa.

Reminds me of something Voltaire once said: "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."

Thomas Mitchell is editor of the Review-Journal and writes about the role of the press, free speech and access to public records. He may be contacted at 383-0261 or via e-mail at tmitchell@reviewjournal. com. Read his blog at lvrj.com/blogs/mitchell.