LEFTOVERS: Golfers feel weight of Open’s sense of humor

Excluding threesomes at the U.S. Open involving Tiger Woods and a pancake house waitress, the USGA has historically paired like-minded golfers together — young guns, old-timers, Masters champions, even players with similar-sounding names.

However, the fun tradition has come under fire at this year’s event, where in the first two rounds the USGA put three of the PGA Tour’s portliest players in the same group: 225-pound Shane Lowry, 230-pound Brendon de Jonge and 250-pound Kevin Stadler.

Stadler’s caddie, Shannon Wallis, dubbed the group “The Heavyweights,” but Stadler — aka “Smallrus,” son of 1982 Masters champion Craig “The Walrus” Stadler — wasn’t amused with the USGA’s attempt at humor.

“I think the USGA is a little mean and insensitive, but that’s just the way it goes,” Stadler told the Golf Channel. “They’re invoking their 5-year-old sense of humor. I don’t care. It’s not like I don’t pretend that I’m not a fat-ass.”

Lowry also weighed in with his displeasure on the matter.

“When I saw it, I was pretty annoyed,” the Irishman said, noting that he’s lost 18 pounds in the last six months. “I think it’s very cheeky of the USGA to do what they’ve done. I don’t think it’s fair to the three of us. It’s a mockery, to be honest.”

De Jonge refused to bite when asked if he had a beef with the USGA.

“I was actually pretty amused by it,” he said. “I wasn’t offended at all.”

Playing without a chip on his shoulder — or in his mouth — de Jonge has excelled at the Open, where he’s tied for fifth with a 2-under 138 (68-70) after two rounds.

Lowry — no relation to the owner of Lawry’s Prime Rib — missed the cut with a 6-over 146 (73-73). Stadler, who rallied for a second-round 68 after a first-round 77, just made the (cold) cut, by a stroke.

As the lightweight of the group, Lowry should consider himself lucky. After all, as Rodney Dangerfield once said, “If you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.”

■ CAN’T CRAMP HUNTER’S STYLE — Always a class act, Detroit Tigers outfielder Torii Hunter gave a classic response to Jim Rome in a Showtime interview in which he was asked if he thought LeBron James should’ve played through the leg cramps that caused him to miss the end of Miami’s loss to San Antonio in Game 1 of the NBA Finals.

“I’ve been there before,” Hunter said. “Especially playing football in high school, and after the game, you’re on the bus and you catch a cramp and you can’t move. But I can tell you this. I made love to my wife the other night, and I caught a cramp on my hamstring. I actually put my leg out and kept performing. So there’s no excuse.”

The great ones always find a way to play through the pain.

■ LEBRON BOWL — New York Jets safety Josh Bush compared himself to James after winning a team bowling outing Thursday with a high score of 204.

“When it comes to bowling, I’m like LeBron James,” Bush said. “Everyone wants to try to knock me off my pedestal.”

True to form, Bush reportedly failed to finish one game because of hand cramps and bolted from another game for an emergency bathroom break.

We’re not sure if Jets coach Rex Ryan was talking about bowling or one of Hunter’s favorite pastimes when he said, “It’s an activity that’s a lot of fun and yet it’s humbling, something that everybody can do but nobody’s very good at it.”

COMPILED BY TODD DEWEY/ LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL