Woods’ app doesn’t hit target audience

Tiger Woods' timing remains way off these days, on and off the golf course.

Mired in the worst slump of his career and in the midst of his fourth swing change, Woods launched a mobile application Wednesday called "Tiger Woods: My Swing."

The iPhone and iPod Touch app is geared toward helping golfers improve through video analysis and instruction, with Woods serving as a virtual coach.

But if we hackers at Leftovers wanted to play the worst golf of our lives, couldn't we simply emulate "Judge Smails: My Slice" or "Al Czervik: My Shank" in "Caddyshack."

Besides, the cost for the application is $9.99, much more than similar apps -- Paul Azinger offers one for 99 cents -- and it's based on Woods' current swing, not the first three he used to win 14 majors.

In Woods' defense, he said he's only doing the app because it benefits his foundation: the Human Fund, er, Tiger Woods Foundation.

One aspect of the app is that golfers can videotape their swing and compare it with that of Woods, who has been using videotape since early in his career.

But he reportedly destroyed most of his personal video collection shortly after Thanksgiving 2009.

■ NOT BUCKING DOWN -- Long before "Seinfeld" character George Costanza said his porn actor name would be "Buck Naked," Orioles manager William Nathaniel "Buck" Showalter III earned his nickname because he liked lounging around the clubhouse naked when he was in the Yankees' farm system.

Showalter still has naked ambition. He ripped Yankees captain Derek Jeter and Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein in the April edition of Men's Journal.

"The first time we went to Yankee Stadium, I screamed at Derek Jeter from the dugout. Our guys are thinking, 'Wow, he's screaming at Derek Jeter.' Well, he's always jumping back from balls just off the plate," he said. "I know how many calls that team gets -- and yes, he (ticks) me off."

Showalter, who has also managed the Yankees and Diamondbacks, is equally annoyed with Epstein.

"I'd like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay payroll. You got Carl Crawford 'cause you paid more than anyone else, and that's what makes you smarter?" he said. "That's why I like whipping their butt. It's great, knowing these guys with the $205 million payroll are saying, 'How the hell are they beating us?' "

Boston Globe reporter Peter Abraham wrote the Red Sox should worry about Baltimore in a few years:

"As soon as the Orioles fire Showalter, they'll win the World Series. That's how it worked in New York and Arizona."

■ HEAD SHRINKER -- If prosecutors in the Barry Bonds perjury case really want to secure a conviction, they should use a move made famous by late lawyer Johnnie Cochran in the O.J. Simpson murder trial.

Enter one of Bonds' old batting helmets as evidence, slap it on his shrunken head and instruct the jury, "If it doesn't fit, you must convict."

COMPILED BY TODD DEWEY
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL