Author sees rude people, and you will, too
They‘re everywhere. They’re standing at the coffee shop counter, shouting into their cell phones as though they’re trying to communicate with a deaf person in Antarctica, oblivious to the long-suffering clerk and the seething line behind them. They’re having dinner at your favorite restaurant, placidly chewing and chatting while their little darlings run wild like a pack of escaped banshees. They cut you off in traffic and then give you the one-finger salute for good measure.
They’re rude people. You try to tune them out, to ignore them, to give yourself a bit of peace in this hurried, hassled modern society. Columnist Amy Alkon sees them, too — and she calls them out.
"I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners into Impolite Society" is Alkon’s hilarious but thought-provoking call to arms for the rest of us. Stop putting up with boorish and sometimes downright criminal behavior, she says, and do your part to restore some civility to modern civilization.
Alkon writes the nationally syndicated Advice Goddess column and blog from Los Angeles, which some argue is ground zero for rude and egocentric behavior. But in truth, rude people are thick on the ground in modern society, in large part, Alkon says, because they can get away with it.
After all, who among is going to tell somebody on a cell phone, ‘‘Quit wasting my time. Either talk on the phone or order your coffee?’’ Who dares tell an oblivious parent, ‘‘Kindly control your kid. How dare you ruin my evening out that I’ve looked forward to all week.’’ Who is going to chase down an aggressive driver and say, ‘‘You almost caused me to have a wreck back there, and I don’t appreciate it.’’
Usually, we bite our tongues and suffer in angry silence.
Not so many years ago, Alkon explains, most of us lived in smaller communities where we weren’t so anonymous. If we acted like a jerk in public, we were likely to be spotted by someone who knew and could tell our mother, or worked for the same boss or went to our church. In other words, they knew us, so our boorish behavior wouldn’t go unnoted. Our misconduct might also bring shame upon our little group.
So why are people seemingly coarser, louder and more selfish these day? Several reasons, Alkon says.
Among them:
Today, we live in larger cities, move frequently and are often out in public among strangers. What do we care about what they think about us? And besides, who’s going to dare speak up? The rude know full well that most of the people with whom they interact don’t want a confrontation.
Technology also contributes to obnoxious public conduct, Alkon says. Aside from cell phones’ obvious constant availability — hence availability to be abused — they don’t contain the feedback mechanism that enabled users of land line phones to moderate the loudness of their voice.
Also, sadly, parents today are raising generations of brats. Alkon writes to one overwhelmed, guilt-stricken mom:
You’re supposed to be your kids’ mom, not their full-time birthday clown. This means meeting their needs, as opposed to falling prey to their ransom demands, i.e., ‘‘Send in the cupcakes or I’ll scream my lungs out until spring.’’
If you’re keeling over from reading ‘Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb’ 40 times, it’s because you didn’t say no 39 times. ‘No’ is also the correct response when besieged with requests for a chunky peanut butter sandwich with all the chunkies removed. But, children can be such finicky eaters! Correction: American children can be such finicky eaters, because their parents tend to confuse parenting with working room service at a five-star hotel. In France, on the other hand, the kids’ meal is whatever the parents are eating: brains, livers, kidneys and all. And while the kids can pick out bits they don’t like, their choice is clear: eat or starve.
Saying no to your kids will not turn them into meth-smoking, liquor store-robbing carjackers. Actually, throwing up a few boundaries might even serve to prevent this — and less dire but extremely annoying outcomes (just what society needs, another 35-year-old snot who was denied nothing during childhood.)
Alkon is not issuing a call for more rules and regulations. She’s a firm believer in human beings taking responsibility for themselves. She does advocate the old but reliable weapons of shame and embarrassment. The columnist, who works from home, has tracked down telemarketers who ignored the national Do Not Call list and interrupted her work or sleep. She has billed them for the interruption, and taken them to court when they ignored the invoice — much to a corporate lawyer’s shock, she won! She isn’t afraid to take on big companies and make them pay for their sins, literally or in bad PR.
She probably could have a second successful career as a detective. She hunted down her vintage auto after it was stolen, found the thief as well, and got him prosecuted.
She encourages the rest of us to stand up to the nasties as well, keeping our own safety in mind. Taking a cell phone photo of some jerk in the act and posting the picture on the Internet can work wonders toward encouraging better behavior. Sometimes it takes courage to call someone out on their bad behavior, particularly when we know we’re going to get a stream of verbal abuse for our trouble. But really, we get the treatment we accept. And, in cases where we see an elderly person or child at the mercy of a bully, how can a self-respecting person remain silent?
"I See Rude People" also is a call for neighborliness, for stepping in and helping when it’s appropriate — offering directions when someone is lost, lending a cell phone for a quick call, inviting someone to go ahead of you in a checkout line. In this fast-paced, impersonal society, small gestures sometimes can mean the world.
You might be seeing a lot more rude people after you read Alkon’s hilarious, brash and on-target take on society today. Wouldn’t it be great if she started something — and if an Alkon reader calls out some obnoxious boor shouting on a cell phone in a coffee shop somewhere — and gets a standing ovation?
