WITH PHOTOS: A Dozen Bikini Rivals Woo Artie Lange During ‘Miss Howard TV’

So far, knock on wood, Artie Lange is still alive.

The recently recovering heroin and coke addict made it through two big events on Saturday in Las Vegas, despite whatever Vegas memories that may have surfaced, like doing blow and gambling away a small fortune.

If you ever listen to Howard Stern’s still-great radio show on Sirius satellite — or if you read Artie’s compelling bestseller, “Too Fat To Fish” — then you know what I’m talking about.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, assume Artie Lange used to do a bunch of blow and hookers and heroin, sometimes in Las Vegas, because that’s what he used to do, according to him.

He still gambles.

Anyway, in the afternoon on Saturday, the Howard Stern show comedian hosted a search for a new “Miss Howard TV” (she’s the winner for the month of September, I was told — and she got $250, a T-shirt and a trip to New York). The contest was at the Hard Rock pool.

Then Artie did stand-up at the new Joint at the Hard Rock.

In this Monday’s paper, Artie gives me an interview, and you can read about how I think both events went, including Artie’s dark twists (throwing a guy out of Saturday night’s crowd, and ragging on a Miss Howard contestant for not knowing who the vice president is).

And if you think that’s hard to believe, well, another contestant was asked what year 9/11 happened, and she answered, “September.” (Seriously, try to catch my Monday story. There’s craziness in it.)

But for now, here are excellent and illustrative pictures shot by our Jason Bean, who captures the Miss Howard TV contest in which 12 ladies did what they could to get Artie’s attention, and the crowd’s.