Case for home schooling has pros, cons

Q: We often hear the claim from our public education system that home schooling does not allow for the proper social development of a child. I want to challenge that claim and say that I believe it false. I claim that children are not prepared to enter the workforce and work with adults. I claim that the process of grouping together like-aged children into a single-age cohesive group causes their social development to be stunted. I claim that normal human development must occur with a multigenerational approach. Thus, I believe that the day-to-day interaction between parents and children of different ages as found in home schooling does in fact better prepare children socially to succeed in our society. -- J.H., Las Vegas

A: Home schooling versus public schooling is a hot topic, and, when possible, I try to avoid the more severe dichotomies, which tend to be not only false but inflammatory.

J.H., I wonder if you're stretching the term "multigenerational." Can we rightly refer to a mom or dad at a kitchen table with, say, a 9-year-old brother and 7-year-old sister as a multigenerational education setting? Now, perhaps you might be referring to neighborhood home schooling co-ops, in which multiple families gather in one setting.

But you make me think of modern education in contrast with the ol' one-room schoolhouse of the American frontier. And I do know that more and more private and public schools are loosening their grip on always rigidly separating students by age. There are increasing numbers of educators who "get" the positive contributions of occasionally mixing up the ages of students in one curriculum endeavor.

I would say it does not have to be true that home schooling in any way stunts or deprives children of socialization. That home schooling sometimes does so deprive children is, in my opinion, an independent variable. I would say simply there is a disproportionate onus on home-schooling families to be very intentional about opportunities for their children to have regular, healthy social experiences.

I would say it does not have to be true that home schooling is a superior way to socialize children, versus public education. That it sometimes is superior is an independent variable.

I would say that a childhood spent in public education does not guarantee healthy social development. There are simply too many other variables weighing in.

So, I'm saying that the socialization argument is one of the very dichotomies I would urge people to avoid when thinking critically about this issue. When reasonably examined, it doesn't have much substance to contribute to either side of the fray.

There are a variety of reasons why some parents choose home schooling. Some of the reasons are sound. Other reasons are understandable. Some of the impetus distresses me.

When my children were very young, their mother started a preschool right out of our home. Why? Well, frankly, because she could. She's a K-8 certified teacher and an expert in early childhood development. Best I've ever seen. It gave her a chance to keep the professional mojo flowing during a time of stay-at-home mothering. It was a blessing to my sons and to a handful of other lucky kids.

I have three concerns -- not necessary criticisms -- of home schooling:

• The measurable competence of the adult/parent primarily in charge of delivering the curriculum. Can we assure this? State regulations vary widely.

• My fear that some home-schooling parents inculcate their children with a very sophisticated sense of paranoia about "the world." The modern prejudice for the nuclear family is itself nuts -- no other culture raises children this way -- but I fear that the nuclear family in too many cases evolves into the Paranoid Family, whose primary message to the children is: "Trust no one. Ever. Except family." Which is pretty much the ethos of the Corleone Family from Mario Puzo's novel "The Godfather."

• Modern society makes healthy individuation/differentiation from mother complicated enough. I have some concerns that adding yet another layer of intense presence by mom (home schooling) will make healthy separation even more difficult.

Again, none of this means I'm a critic of home schooling. Only to say that these are some of its potential foibles that deserve our critical attention.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Tuesdays and Sundays. Questions for the Asking Human Matters column or comments can be e-mailed to skalas@reviewjournal.com.