Doing the right thing matters more than the reason why

If you're a regular here, then you know dystopia movies are hobby of mine. "The Purge" popped up on my television the other day. Never saw it in the theater, so I gave it a look.

Here's the plot: In the distant future, America has virtually no crime rate. The reason? Because once each year, the nation "celebrates" The Purge: a 24-hour suspension of law. Nothing is illegal. Nothing.

Burn down your neighbor's house. Steal, pillage, rape, batter, murder.

It was a B movie. Somehow it managed to be cheesy, ugly and preachy all at the same time. But still, it left me wondering …

If there were no legal consequences, who would I be? What would I be capable of? If all legal consequences were removed, I think I would learn in a hurry who I really am. I would see the sum of my character clearly.

See, some character is inside out. Other times our character is outside in.

When character is inside out, we mean it is a part of our integrated identity. There is no dissonance on the level of ego or instinct. We do good because we are good. We don't murder because we'll go to jail if we murder; we don't murder because it's wrong to murder.

When character is outside in, our behavior is constrained and directed by external boundaries and our fear of the consequences for violating said boundaries. We do good because we possess sufficient mercenary self-interest not to want to go to jail (or suffer some other social or interpersonal consequence.) But not because we wouldn't rather enjoy acting out the behavior we're constraining. In other words, we do good by rote. Not because we are good.

I "obey" (using the word loosely) the speed limit outside in. That is, not because I am good; rather, because traffic tickets are ghastly expensive and play hell with my insurance rates. The speed limit between Hoover Dam and Kingman, Ariz., is 65 mph. But, I really, really wanna go 80.

On the other hand, the reason I don't steal is inside out. Take away the security cameras and the guy checking my receipt and basket as I exit Wal-Mart … and still, I wouldn't steal. I am many things unlovely, but, by the grace of God, I turn out not to be thief. If I found $50,000 cash in a brown paper bag in the alley … yep, I'm one of those geeks that would turn it in. Without hesitation.

In the best marriages, fidelity can be inside out. That is, you are so in love with, bonded to and grateful for your spouse that "Wanna come up to my room?" would be akin to "Wanna saw off your right foot, roast and eat it for dinner?"

Uh, kinda, no.

Other times, fidelity is outside in. You notice that you are tempted. In your imagination, it's actually quite enjoyable and exhilarating. You say "no," not because cheating is beneath your authentic character, but precisely because it's not. You say "no" because you don't want to lose your spouse. Because you don't want to have to explain to your kids why their parents are getting a divorce. Because you don't want to lose your job. Because you'd rather not feel the slow erosion of guilt over the next 40 years.

Recovering from addiction/compulsion almost always begins outside in. Family and friends surround us with an intervention. They provide the impetus, structure and boundaries that we cannot provide for ourselves. Or, the police surround us with an intervention. Jail cells, courtrooms and probation officers provide the impetus, structure and boundaries we cannot provide for ourselves.

Or our beloved threatens to leave us. Or does.

Some addicts/compulsives, thankfully sober, insist they are still "recovering." Some will describe themselves this way to the grave. They mean, I think, that some part of their sobriety will always remain outside in. Other addicts/compulsives arrive, gratefully, at the word "recovered." The desire for the destructive behavior is unequivocally … gone. They are truly healed.

It would be easy to think inside-out character is superior to outside-in character, but you'd be wrong. Because it takes a lot of character to recognize where character is lacking within yourself. Where you are weak. What, in yourself, is not to be trusted.

Not to mention that all roads lead to Rome. Inside out or outside in, you're still doing the right thing.

The perfecting of authentic character is a beautiful thing, and worthy of celebration. But, until such time as I am perfected, staying out of trouble is a most excellent second choice.

— Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Las Vegas Psychiatry and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Mondays. Contact him at 702-227-4165 or skalas@reviewjournal.com.