Duplicity leaves bad taste in politics, personal relationships

Have you noticed we have mostly normalized the idea that I get to blow anything I want out of my pie hole, yet still reserve the right to be surprised, incredulous and patronizing when my words negatively alter your perceptions of me and our relationship? Because then I'll tell you you're just taking things too personally. Or you've misunderstood. You just don't understand. That's not what I meant. You've taken me out of context.

Makes me feel like Timon the meerkat in the Disney movie "The Lion King." You might remember: Timon, Pumbaa the warthog and Simba the lion are friends. Another lion stalks Pumbaa, and would eat him except Simba fights back. In the fight, Simba recognizes the enemy as his old childhood friend Nala. Hugs. Kisses. And now Simba introduces Nala warmly to Pumbaa, who says, "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

But Timon will have none of it: "Whoa! Time out. Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And, everybody's ... OK with this? Did I miss something?!?"

A friend tells me the race for the Democratic presidential nomination is down to Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. He wonders if the winner will pick the other as a running mate. Maybe. But if that happens, I'll be looking for Timon's courage, candor and integrity.

Have you really listened to Clinton and Obama during these past several months? If either were to choose the other as a running mate, there would be only a few ways to make sense of it, and none would be complimentary.

* You didn't mean what you said during the nomination race. You made it up. In which case you're the worst kind of liar. I would not be afraid to use the word "evil" to describe someone who would attempt to gain advantage by knowingly advancing defamatory falsehoods about another human being.

* You meant and still believe everything you said. In which case you're the sort of person who will expose my dirt and skeletons when it serves you, accept my dirt and skeletons when it serves you, and/or distance yourself from me in moral umbrage because of that same dirt and those same skeletons when it serves you. Which makes you a political toady opportunist absent honor in human relationships.

* You meant and still believe everything you said, but you neglected to tell us that you're just fine with people like that. Some of your best friends are regularly self-serving and dishonest. You didn't bring it up because you had a moral duty to serve truth or stand against evil. You brought it up because ... well, see, here's where I'm at a loss.

* You meant and still believe everything you said, but you're, well, mentally unwell. You have no healthy boundaries. At the very least, you're really lousy at choosing friends, because a healthy person would never choose someone like this as a friend. You're like a spouse reconciling (again) with the man who's beating her.

When Mitt Romney "threw in" with John McCain's presidential bid, Mitt called John a "true American hero." Well, OK. As long as we're clear that Mitt means a too-liberal, wishy-washy American hero. Wishy-washy/Heroic. Heroic/wish-washy. Sing with me: "One of these things is not like the other/ One of these things just doesn't belong/ Can you guess which one is not like the other ..."

I know a divorced man. For months before, during and following the divorce, the now-ex recites the List of Reasons I Chose Divorce: You use your friends, you are weak, you are addicted to drama, you have unhealthy views of women, you are fake and phony, I have lost respect for you, you are unmanly, you are a stingy and inattentive parent.

Recently, however, the ex thanks the man for "his friendship," extends her own, and reaffirms her commitment to encourage the children to "respect their father."

The divorced man sets down his coffee and play-acts for me the scene he might soon play in real time for his ex-wife: "Whoa. Time Out. If half the things you said about me are true, you would never choose me as a friend. That would make you insane. And furthermore, you would even now be gathering the resources to support and help your children on the inevitable day they discover about their dad what you already know. Am I missing something?"

I admire the cartoon meerkat Timon. Duplicity creeps me out.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Tuesdays and Sundays. Questions for the Asking Human Matters column or comments can be e-mailed to skalas@reviewjournal.com.