Gamers should let ‘Sleeping Dogs’ lie
I would like to introduce to the world a new classification for reviewing video games, albums, books and movies: "Too Lame to Finish."
Let me enlighten you: We critics assign star ratings and letter grades to consumer artworks, obviously. But sometimes we need to say, "This game/movie/book is too lame to finish."
Here's a good example. "Sleeping Dogs." This is not the worst game I've ever played. It's below average. But why should I suffer a full 20 hours of it when the first five hours are so lame? Lame equals not fun.
"Sleeping Dogs" is a "Grand Theft Auto"-styled mob adventure set in Hong Kong. I portray an undercover cop. I infiltrate a mob crew.
But to protect my undercover status, I must behave as a mobster - shaking down senior citizen street vendors for payoffs, killing people, carjacking, buying drugs, and so forth - so I feel more like a thug than a cop.
I accidentally kill innocent bystanders with cars and fights. That hardly seems justifiable concerning the plot. Killing virtual innocents begs for a bigger evil, such as averting nuclear war.
Here are the lame things in "Sleeping Dogs," as far as I can tell after five laborious hours:
1. Hand-to-hand combat partially relies on cumbersome counter-moves. I feel as if I must stand in place, bored, for three to five seconds, waiting for a gangster to lurch at me. Then I press a counter-move button.
That is lame and drags the action to a snail's pace.
2. I must drive (or jog) for long stretches across the boring city to arrive at mission destinations. If I accidentally kill a pedestrian, which is easy to do, cops chase me, and I can't arrive at my destination until I outrun them.
That system was novel when "GTA" debuted it more than a decade ago. It is lame now. Driving across open-world cities can be made fun. But it's not fun here.
3. Quick-time events are a mess.
I would like to stress this isn't a zero star game for me. It's pretty. Hong Kong looks cool.
For character voice-overs, game makers paid for serious actors, including Tom Wilkinson, Lucy Liu, Emma Stone, James Hong, Will Yun Lee and Lindsay Price.
Also, there are still gamers in the world who have never played a "Grand Theft Auto" title or who are fanboys. They may enjoy "Sleeping Dogs" as a fresh thing. Good for them.
However, many of us laughed along with 2011's "Saints Row: The Third," which satirized this "GTA" genre with an infusion of zombies, aliens and hover jets, because the "GTA" format is lame when it's a flat rehash, as in "Sleeping Dogs."
Therefore, I propose to critics everywhere that if a long game, book or other artwork is clearly a waste of time to complete, then let's redefine its averageness as "too lame to finish." We have other things to do with our lives.
("Sleeping Dogs" by Square Enix retails for $60 for PS 3 and Xbox 360; $50 for PC - Plays lame. Looks good. Challenging. Rated "M" for blood, gore, intense violence, sexual content, strong language and use of drugs. NA/too-lame-to-finish out of four stars.)
Contact Doug Elfman at delfman@review journal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.
TOP GAMES
Here are the Top 10 best-selling video games at full retail price, according to GameStop.com.
1. "Call of Duty: Black Ops II" (Activision) pre-order for Nov. 13 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, PC; rating pending
2. "Borderlands 2" (2K Games) pre-order for Sept. 18 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, PC; rated "M" (blood, gore, intense violence, language, sexual themes, use of alcohol)
3. "Madden NFL '13" (Electronic Arts) pre-order for Aug. 28 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS 3, Wii, Vita; rated "E"
4. "Call of Duty: Black Ops II" pre-order for Nov. 13 release for PS 3
5. "FIFA Soccer '13" (Electronic Arts) pre-order for Sept. 25 release for Xbox 360; will also be available for PS3, Wii, PSP, 3DS, Vita; rated "E"
6. "Madden NFL '13" pre-order for Aug. 28 release for PS 3
7. "Transformers: Fall of Cybertron" (Activision) for Xbox 360; also available for PS 3; rated "T" (animated blood, violence)
8. "FIFA Soccer '13" pre-order for Sept. 25 release for PS3
9. "New Super Mario Bros. 2" (Nintendo) for 3DS; rated "E" (comic mischief)
10. "Halo 4" (Microsoft) pre-order for Nov. 6 release for Xbox 360; rating pending (Ratings: "E" for "Everyone"; "T" for "Teen"; "M" for "Mature 17+")
NEW IN STORES
It's time for one of the biggest games of 2012 to hit the market - "Madden NFL '13" (Electronic Arts). This year's version is no copycat of last year's "Madden." It comes with a new physics engine. That alone changes the feel of the game.
A pre-release, abbreviated demo of "Madden NFL '13" makes it seem as if it moves faster than previous "Maddens" - faster running and player movements in particular. But it's hard to tell just from the demo if that's the case.
The game also has a cleaned-up interface with play choices. And the passing game and other elements have been updated and altered.
The game retails for $60 for Xbox 360 and PS 3; $50 for Wii; $40 for Vita. It's rated "E." (Ratings: "E" for "Everyone;" "T" for "Teen;" "M" for "Mature 17+")
- DOUG ELFMAN
