Mary’s leadership style dated, but could help human growth

A friend is enrolled in seminary. She calls to say her assignment is to write a paper on a great leader in the Bible. She wonders if it would be appropriate to think of Mary in these terms.

That's right -- Mary, the mother of Jesus. I tell her way appropriate. Monster mega-appropriate, though I warn her that the qualities of Mary's leadership have fallen into cultural oblivion in the modern day. These qualities are not so much belittled as forgotten, overlooked and ignored, in favor of other, popularly lauded qualities of leadership: action, problem solving, motivation, victory.

If you're a regular reader of this column, you know I find it useful to examine iconic religious figures and symbols as a mirror revealing things important in the pursuit of being human. Meaning, even if you don't have a religious bone in your body, the question of Mary's leadership is still a fruitful one.

I begin by observing that our culture tends to attach ideas of leadership to The Masculine. Men are leaders. Women are ... what? Nice? Nurturing? Not sure, but thinking about the real authority of women is still something our culture is sorting out and sorting through.

In the biblical story of the annunciation, the angel Gabriel appears before Mary and says: "Guess what! You're pregnant, and God has big plans for your boy." Or something like that. This presented both a medical curiosity for Mary, not to mention a social/moral predicament, being that she was unmarried. All the more amazing, then, that her reflexive, almost banal response to Gabe is simply, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Luke 1:38)." Which is a poetic way of saying, "All righty then, I'm in."

Mary is an icon of leadership as regards the life of selfless servanthood. She hears a need from the God she trusts, and she is there. She doesn't negotiate a book deal. She doesn't ask, "What's in it for me?" Because it's not about her. She just says, "My soul doth magnify the Lord (Luke 1:46)," which, again in poetry, is pretty much a humble shrug, "Magnifying the Lord is what my soul is for."

In the story of the Nativity, there's lots going on. Lots of action. Mary and Joseph are pregnant, but have to go to town for tax enrollment. Of course, Mary picks that particular road trip to go into labor, and the expectant couple end up in a barn because all the hotels are booked. Magi follow an unusual star. Angels sing. Another angel appears before some unsuspecting shepherds and tells them to go check out the new baby in that barn. They do. It's one busy scene. One strange night. Which is why, with all that activity, Luke 2:19 is easy to miss: "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."

Pondering is another word for the contemplative life -- the willingness to sit down, shut up, stop thinking ... and ponder. Pondering is a vital way to embrace and integrate life experience, especially profound experience. You can see why the contemplative life is disregarded and overlooked in our modern day. Who needs to ponder when you can get on Facebook and blather on to "friends." Who needs to ponder when you have reality television.

Mary is an icon of leadership as regards the contemplative life.

Selfless servanthood and a willingness to ponder: Each needs the other. Without the discerning power of contemplation, a woman's selfless servanthood devolves into a life without boundaries, which is toxic to selfhood. The practice of selfless servanthood does not replace the necessity of self-respect and having rightful claims upon interpersonal justice. How many modern women spend 12 to 20 years giving and giving to husband and family only to find themselves, 12 to 20 years later, seething with resentment and bitterness! How many women continue to offer the gift of selfless servanthood to folks who are worse than ungrateful! Lying to the police officer about how you got your black eye is not, in fact, an act of servanthood.

Selfless servanthood and a willingness to ponder: These two qualities of leadership are particular bastions of The Feminine. Which is not to say that men can't or shouldn't pursue these disciplines. Men can. Men should. And maturing men, most commonly in middle age, often do begin to grow these qualities. Becoming a father can jump-start this learning curve. As can aging. Or being lucky enough to love a wise woman.

Oh, and smart enough to respect the authority of her wisdom.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Sundays. Contact him at skalas@reviewjournal.com.