Mind Your Manners

You don't want to read this until you're finished with your breakfast. Really, you don't.

Because, here's the thing: As health club annoyances go, it's hard to stand out from exercisers who plant their bare butts on locker room benches, don't bother to wipe their sweat from machines after they're finished using them, and dress in ways that aren't suitable for an 8-year-old, much less an actual adult.

But Aleisha Hurley, a personal trainer with Total Health and Fitness, can give it a good go: She once saw somebody in a gym spit in a drinking fountain.

Spit. Water fountain. Can we get a hearty "Yecch"?

OK, maybe the guy didn't realize that spitting into a fountain after a workout is, in ways both bacterial and social, just so wrong. But it does underscore a reality of health club life that few think of when they sign on the dotted line: Just as in any miniature society, coexisting peacefully with one's fellow fitness buffs requires knowledge of both club rules and a set of more informal dos and don'ts.

It's that time of year when newcomers stream into valley gyms and health clubs determined to make good on their New Year's resolutions. So it's as a public service -- and in the fervent hope that we'll never again hear the words "spit" and "drinking fountain" in the same sentence -- that we offer this Field Guide to Annoying Gym Rats.

THE DRIP

Sweat is a byproduct of a good workout, and nobody has any particular problem with that. But The Drip doesn't understand that one man's simple sweat is another man's festering pool of disgustingness and, thus, doesn't bother to wipe down a piece of equipment after using it.

"That drives me crazy," says John Elliott, fitness manager at 24 Hour Fitness, 3141 N. Rainbow Blvd., echoing the cries of creeped-out exercisers everywhere.

Yet the solution is so simple.

"Especially when you come into a gym for the first time, always make sure you have a towel," he says. "Most people have a hard time understanding: 'What do I need a towel for?' Because you're going to sweat and you're going to put it all over the machine and many bad things can happen."

It sounds like common sense. In fact, many gyms offer a towel service so you don't have to bring your own. But, says Mike Springer, a personal trainer with Springer Training, "you'd be surprised" how many experienced fitness buffs don't clean up after themselves.

And while several gym-based annoyances are subjective, this one is universally reviled.

"That's the worst thing," Hurley says, "that a person who sweats -- like drenches the cardio machine -- just leaves sweat everywhere. That's just nasty. Disgusting."

By the way, Springer adds, another good use for a towel: As a barrier between a bare butt and a locker room bench.

THE CHATTERBOX

A gym isn't a monastery, but it's not your living room either. Granted, some fitness buffs can become so involved in their workouts that nothing will disturb them. But others may well prefer to zone out, listen to their own CD or digital music players or just enjoy as much peace and quiet as they can muster.

So, the absence of unnecessary, prolonged or particularly loud conversations is much appreciated, and the use of crude or obscene language is frowned upon.

"When (people) start swearing, that's when we'll go over to you and say, 'You need to calm down,' " Elliott says. "If we have to ask you twice, you've lost your gym membership."

Cell phone conversations while working out also tend to aggravate fellow fitness buffs. "That's pretty annoying, especially when they're talking about something you don't really want to hear," Hurley says.

"It's a really big pet peeve of mine," Elliott agrees. "I understand if you're a firefighter or police officer. But other than that, there's no reason."

THE FADDIST

The Faddist is the guy or gal who shows up determined to embrace any new trend, device or technique that comes down the pike.

"You see some wild stuff going on in a gym," Elliott says. "People read the latest article, so they come in and try to do this stuff out of fitness magazines."

In most cases, what they end up doing is "throwing weights around and not using proper form," Elliott says. "You see people hurt."

Granted, this one's a bit subjective. "I hate people who do stupid exercises," says Hurley, "but how do you define that?"

Here's a better idea for newcomers, Elliott says: Set up a session with a personal trainer -- a service often offered to new members when they join up -- and get some tips on developing a solid, effective workout.

THE SLOB

Weights. Towels. Dumbbells. It's amazing, the array of things The Slob will leave for others to clean up.

"If I had a penny for every time I had to rerack (weights) -- especially in the morning -- I'd be a millionaire and never have to work again," Elliott says. "Put things back properly."

In fact, he jokes, "if you want a really good workout, when everybody leaves go around and rerack weights. It'll take you an hour to do it."

THE HOARDER

Most club members are good about sharing. They'll step aside and let somebody work out on a piece of equipment when they're not using it, will give up weights if somebody needs them first and will just generally be free with club equipment.

Not The Hoarder. He or she will sit on a sit-up machine as if it's a park bench. Hang onto a treadmill as if they were at the corner bar. And, Hurley says, "they'll take out different kinds (of weights) that they're not using and have them in their little stash."

Interesting, too, how The Hoarder and The Slob often are the same people.

THE STRAGGLER

Don't slow up others' workouts by dawdling. Hurley has seen people who are "just hanging out on machines, sitting there talking for hours when they're supposed to be using it."

"That's horrible stuff," Springer says. "But the key is the other person. What they do about it is ask the person if they can work in." Otherwise, he says, "that guy will sit there all day."

THE LOTHARIO

Finally, this one's tricky, but here goes: A gym isn't a pickup place. Except, of course, when it is.

So, as a general rule, use as your default setting that it's not and treat the women there accordingly.

(We're assuming men are the annoying parties here. It's possible women can be, too, but we're just playing the odds.)

"My wife knows it better than I do," Springer says. "But don't bother the attractive lady when she's working out."

It's odd, too, how even a sincere icebreaker can sound like a pickup line in a health club. So, Springer offers, "anytime you go over to talk to a woman in the gym, it's a pickup line unless you know that person."

"I think some girls probably go there for that reason," Hurley says. But, at the very least, "ask them if they'd like to talk when they're done." On the other hand, never disturb a trainer when he or she is at work.

"I'm in charge of five very good-looking trainers, and when they're training people they're training people," Elliott says. "Don't mess with them."

Contact reporter John Przybys at jprzybys@reviewjournal.com or (702) 383-0280.