‘Sex and the City’ depicts women owning their own sexuality

Maybe twice in my life have I walked through a room and observed three or four minutes of the HBO series "Sex and the City." Never seen so much as one entire episode. And now there is a hit movie, based on the series, which, let me again be clear, I've never seen.

What I am is steeped in the phenomenon of "Sex and the City." I've read reams of social commentary and editorials about it. I've seen interviews with the cast. I've lost count of the number of friends -- predominantly women -- and couples who plan their television week around the show. Couples in therapy frequently make passing remarks about watching the show together. Or maybe a wife or girlfriend talks of cajoling her mate into watching it with her.

I've heard it lauded. I've heard it ripped.

Six seasons. Ninety-four episodes. Four beautiful, single, New York women whose friendship is dominated by talking and gossiping about their sex lives and men. They share resources about technique and electronic accessories. They bemoan men. They hunger for men. They support one another. They don't judge.

When they are not talking to each other, the viewer hears the lead character, Carrie, more or less continuously narrate life to herself and to her column readers. The remainder of the show, then, is mostly occupied by this compelling paradox: The four women dream about and long for true love and real partnership, and, in the meantime, amen themselves to casual sex.

I say "amen themselves" -- according to a March 29 Daily News column by Christy Smith, "We did the math, punched in some numbers and calculated that during the course of 94 episodes and six seasons, the women of 'Sex and the City' hit the sheets with a combined total of 94 men and one woman. ... Of the four women, public relations exec Samantha racked up the most sexual partners. She bedded 41 men and one woman, while Carrie hooked up with 18, Charlotte 18 and Miranda 17."

It's impossible to say whether the characters think casual sex is a strategy for finding true love, or whether the former is an independent, stopgap recreation. A filler, if you will. A need? A necessary task? An entitlement? A social responsibility?

Like I said, in the end, I don't know what these four women think and believe about human sexuality. And I find that most ironic for a TV show predominated by the topic.

Interesting, yes, that in the just-released movie, four years since the HBO series ended, all four women are in committed relationships?

If, in a given scenario, a human being chooses casual sex from a place of strength and radical responsibility -- as opposed to a place of emptiness or compulsion -- would he or she really need to talk about it and endlessly perseverate and examine and process with extended circles of friends? See, I don't think so. The event would be what it was -- no more, no less. We wouldn't ruminate about it any more than we would about our last visit to McDonald's or Burger King.

Fast food is what it is. Tasty. Convenient. Quick. Cheap. Not especially nutritious. And there are consequences for eating there too often. If we eat fast food from a place of strength and radical responsibility, then we don't complain about its deficiencies or its consequences. And it's even less likely we'll need to chirp hopefully to our friends about the possibility that someday our Quarter Pounder with Cheese and medium fries might evolve into a filet mignon with organic, steamed asparagus and wild rice. Or that our Biggie soda might become a really nice cabernet.

If you hold "Sex and the City" in social regard, you probably use words such as empowerment, independence, equality and liberation. I would hazard this appreciation: We've spent at least the past 2,000 years in Western civilization raising women to be alienated from their sexuality and then act surprised and offended when they become manipulative seductresses. It's high time our culture's art forms depict women as sexual beings who have the right and the psychological ability to own their own sexuality and make decisions about sex from a place of strength and radical responsibility.

If you hold "Sex and the City" in moral contempt, then I'm gonna ask you where you've been for the past 50-plus years while men in television and film have been applauded for behaving exactly the same way. Why are you opining now?

Me? I will continue to say that sex is always more complex and consequential than our popular images and depictions of it will acknowledge.

I'm unsure everyone is having the fun they say they are having.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling Wellness Center in Las Vegas and the author of "Human Matters: Wise and Witty Counsel on Relationships, Parenting, Grief and Doing the Right Thing" (Stephens Press). His columns appear on Tuesdays and Sundays. Questions for the Asking Human Matters column or comments can be e-mailed to skalas@reviewjournal.com.