Mel Gibson’s obscene tirade inspires positive Safe Nest message

Mel Gibson as a teaching tool? What's he teaching, Profanity 101? Lessons in how not to treat your woman? How be sexist, racist and anti-Semitic in two easy lessons?

The movie star's heroic, heartthrob status plummeted after his hate-filled outbursts with his girlfriend were played recently for the world to hear. Minds were made up about the kind of man Mad Mel really is. Whether he's guilty of domestic abuse is a question for the courts, but a propensity for violence certainly spewed from his mouth like sewer sludge.

My reaction was simple. He gets no more of my movie money. End of story.

Maria Outcalt looked at it differently. The outreach coordinator of Safe Nest, the nonprofit created to help domestic abuse victims, saw it as another opportunity to teach. Her lesson plan: "No matter how famous or rich, it can happen to anyone. Don't think it happens only to certain people."

The news coverage of Oksana Grigorieva's allegations that Gibson abused her in January is a good opportunity to raise awareness. The two so-called beautiful people are engaged in an epic battle over the custody of their 9-month-old daughter, Lucia.

"Lots of victims feel alone, embarrassed and humiliated. They think: This is not happening to other people; it's only happening to me," Outcalt said. That sense of aloneness contributes to some victims opting to keep quiet about abuse.

The Gibson tale of horror teaches people it's smart to keep these kinds of conversations if they're left on answering machines or sent as text messages.

"Absolutely keep those recordings always, for legal purpose," Outcalt said.

Such evidence can bolster a court case, especially when custody of the children is an element.

(A word of warning, Nevada law doesn't let you tape someone over the phone without their permission, but you can tape a conversation in person, say, with a tape recorder in your pocket.)

The publicity about Gibson also can be a message for abusers, Outcalt said. If these are the types of outburst going on in your life, you've got a problem.

Outcalt became involved in Safe Nest after her sister, Ana Outcalt, was murdered in May 2004.

"She was dating a guy. It got serious quickly, and as soon as they moved in together, he beat her. She got a protective order."

Later, in an attempt to get him to sign documents to get him off the lease, Maria Outcalt said her sister took "one more risk" and met with him. The next day, her body was found near a gypsum plant.

Ana had known Joe Suggs Jr. all of six months when he killed her. Her 9-year-old son was sleeping in the next room while his mother was being beaten and strangled.

When Suggs, then 51, was sentenced in 2006 to 10 to 25 years, the judge asked why he killed her. Suggs had no answer.

Safe Nest served 49,180 victims in 2009. Those were the ones who sought help. Another 18,763 youths turned to Safe Nest. Another 389 batterers went through treatment programs. The nonprofit agency established in 1977 offers 24-hour shelters at undisclosed locations in Las Vegas, where battered women and children can seek protection. Safe Nest also offers hot lines, counseling, court advocacy and help getting protective orders.

Even if it's found to be true that his Russian girlfriend was trying to extort him for money, and even if she deliberately provoked some of his enraged rants, Gibson's own mouth has damned him. But if Outcalt is correct, maybe something positive can come of it.

"I'm so sorry" doesn't cut it.

Whether it's Mel Gibson or Joe Suggs Jr., when abusers promise they'll never do it again, that's the Big Lie. Class dismissed.

Jane Ann Morrison's column appears Monday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail her at Jane@reviewjournal.com or call (702) 383-0275. She also blogs at lvrj.com/blogs/morrison.