Rapid-fire Robin always the joker

Robin Williams should be a hotel consultant. He has ideas about building themed casinos.

"Why are there no German casinos? Why is there no Das Bunker? Or, the Vatican needs a casino. That'd be incredible: 'Papal Mania! They're back! They re-enact the Crusades every afternoon.' The Shroud of Turin: 'When is that going on?' 'It's not actually going on. It's just like a Picasso. It watches you.' The Inquisition every afternoon: 'Watch the Jews leave again! To part the Red Sea! With dolphins in it!' "

Williams -- performing Sunday at the MGM -- is mystified that Treasure Island's old shipwrecking show was a hit. I inform him the hotel revamped it as the even more popular "Sirens of TI," starring lady pirates.

"Oh, they added women? So they've added rape and pillage?"

No rape, I tell him, but a few tourists think "Sirens" is naughty, which makes him laugh.

"Oh, so they didn't go see the Cirque du Soleil (show)? ... Yeah, 'Zumanity.' Even Caligula went, 'No, no, you can't!' "

If you see Williams' stand-up on Sunday, expect political routines. As he and I discuss the plastic-surgery tightness of John McCain's wife's face, he cracks, "Oh, that's the face that sailed one ship."

Come fall, he would like to take part in Andre Agassi's annual fundraiser, Grand Slam for Children. At past Agassi events, wealthy donors spent hundreds of thousands at auction to win the privilege of dining with Williams.

"And those dinners are amazing," he says. "They're bottomless. That gets things off to an interesting start.

"For me, it's just wild to see the money that's thrown down at that night. It's insane," he says. "And we've never had a bad (dinner)."

This weekend, you might see Williams near the tables. He plays "a little" and eyeballs other gamblers.

"Just to go by the baccarat rooms is my favorite, where you see people (from other countries) betting a million dollars a hand, going, 'So. Your economy is not going so well?' "

OH, AND THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED 'ART' HERE

A new exhibit opens today at the Las Vegas Art Museum, featuring pieces by Andy Warhol, Damien Hirst, Michael Heizer, Takashi Murakami and several dozen contemporary artists. They're all on loan from locals. It's a cool collection in a pretty space. Costs $6 to get in, unless you're 11, and then it's free (360-8000).

Doug Elfman's column appears on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 702-383-0391 or e-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He also blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.