Reporters’ notebook

WHEN REPORTERS' NOTEBOOK GROWS UP, IT MIGHT WORK AT THE SATIRICAL NEWSPAPER THE ONION.

Until then, Notebook will humbly continue periodically distilling The Onion's humorous Nevada-related items -- like one last week about NFL standout Adam "Pacman" Jones, whom Las Vegas police charged in connection with February's melee at the topless club Minxx.

Following announcement of the charges, The Onion "reported" thus: "Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam 'Pac-Man' Jones called a press conference Tuesday in order to emphasize that he will be nowhere near a possibly fatal stabbing that will occur during a fight involving several members of his entourage and the bartender at an L.A.-area strip club this coming Friday.

"'I just want people to know that I'm not going to be present at Shaker's, the club where possibly about to be deceased chump-ass bartender Darrent Wilson has been known to exchange harsh language and threats with my known associates, including kicking me and my people out of his establishment,'" The Onion "quoted" Jones as saying. "'I am sorry for what is about to happen to this man, who will be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but it will have had nothing to do with me.'"

The Onion added that Jones had again appealed to the NFL "for leniency in a case of what he called 'bad luck.'"

IN A STORY ABOUT JONES LAST WEEK, THE NASHVILLE TENNESSEAN REFERRED TO NEVADA'S SECOND-LARGEST CITY THUSLY: "Dowon Kang, a defense attorney in Hendersonville, Nev., who is not involved in the Jones case, said felony coercion is not an unusual charge in Nevada and is typically seen in domestic violence cases coupled with other charges."

People of Nashville -- or is it Nashvilleville? -- take note, it's either Hooterville or Hendertucky, but never Hendersonville.

MICHAEL SQUIRES

REGULARS AT THE REGIONAL JUSTICE CENTER HAVE COME TO EXPECT A MORNING CRUSH at the six elevators that lead to the courtrooms on the upper floors. On Tuesday, one antsy attorney trapped in line stared in frustration at an elevator car that had returned to the ground floor only to keep its doors shut to the waiting throng.

"How about a servant's entrance?" the attorney suggested. "I mean, I'm humble. I'd take a servant's entrance elevator."

LISA KIM BACH

DURING A BOARD OF REGENTS COMMITTEE MEETING THURSDAY, AN AUDITOR PRESENTED SEVERAL MINOR PROCEDURAL AND FINANCIAL DISCREPANCIES that a former University of Nevada, Reno president was responsible for as he left the post.

That prompted Regent Ron Knecht to ask current UNR President Milton Glick what he was doing to make sure there wouldn't be any discrepancies when Glick eventually leaves the university.

"Shredding," Glick replied.

LAWRENCE MOWER

LEAVE IT TO HIZZONER TO GET TO THE HEART OF AN ISSUE. Mayor Oscar Goodman knew the city would take heat for selling former Councilman Michael McDonald land at a discount -- "for doing business with someone with such an obnoxious tie."

McDonald sported a Donald Duck tie as he asked the council to sell him land for affordable housing. The deal, which gives McDonald the land at millions below what it was appraised for, was approved by the council.

As they say, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck ...

DAVID McGRATH SCHWARTZ

Almost half a century has passed since graphic artist Betty Willis came up with the design for the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign, but she still graciously accepts calls from reporters who want to talk to her about it.

The 84-year-old's family members are less enthusiastic.

The woman who answered the phone where Willis lives seemed downright annoyed. As she passed the call to Willis, she was overheard saying, "This is never going to stop."

One possible justification for the woman's attitude: While the welcome sign has become an international icon and the source for innumerable imitations, Willis, who chose not to trademark the design, has never received a single royalty check.

HENRY BREAN

Addressing a jury pool for the Donald Davidson trial, U.S. District Judge Roger Hunt explained to potential jurors that the proceedings are expected to last nearly three weeks. He warned that the scene inside his courtroom will not resemble the television shows "Law and Order" or "Judge Judy." Most importantly, "We will not resolve this case in a half-hour or an hour."

During questioning, Hunt asked: "Do any of you have any negative feelings about politicians?"

The pool of about 130 potential jurors busted up laughing.

Hunt also got laughs, especially from the defense table, when he said "wire traps" were used during the federal government's investigation into corrupt politicians.

He had intended to say wiretaps, the sometimes controversial practice of placing recording devices on private phones.

ADRIENNE PACKER

LAS VEGAS HAD ITSELF A TIRE FIRE LAST WEEK. Bundles of radials used as barriers for April's Vegas Grand Prix went up in flames and smoke on the downtown lot where they were stored. It reminded some of that famous and fictional tire-fueled inferno in Springfield, home to America's favorite cartoon family, "The Simpsons."

HERE'S HOW THE TWO COMPARE:

SPRINGFIELD LAS VEGAS

Ignited: 1966 or 1989 Wednesday (depending on the episode)

Odor: reached 46 other states Overpowered downtown's usual funk

Served as tourist attraction Attracted more spectators than the Vegas Grand Prix

Extinguished during Welcomed by downtown Springfield's failed bid casinos at least as much as to host Olympics next year's Vegas Grand Prix