Tuxedo garb imminent

I don’t like to wear neckties, let alone suits. Don’t even own a suit.

A tuxedo? Wore a brown one once for my best friend’s wedding. That was about 30 years ago, and I was drunk.

It looks as if I’ll have to wear a tux again in December.

And this time I’ll have to be sober, because I’ll be working at the 2009 NASCAR Sprint Cup Awards Banquet and Ceremony somewhere along the Strip.

When I say “working” I mean reporting, not busing tables.

The Las Vegas Review-Journal broke the story April 3 that NASCAR would move the function to Las Vegas after 27 years at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York City.

A week ago, we reported an official announcement could be made today during a break in Cup activities at Phoenix International Raceway.

An announcement could be made this weekend, but apparently not in a formal news conference.

But — trust me — the banquet will be in Las Vegas, most likely Dec. 4.

I want you to suggest the style and color of tux I should rent — or, more appropriately, the R-J should rent for me.

Because I also report on rodeo, and the National Finals Rodeo opens here Dec. 3, I’m leaning toward a western-style tux, preferably one in denim.

Helio: Congratulations and sorry

IndyCar star Helio Castroneves was acquitted Friday of most charges that he worked with his sister and lawyer to evade more than $2.3 million in U.S. income taxes.

Castroneves, the two-time winner of the Indy 500 and 2007 “Dancing with the Stars” champion, was to head for Long Beach, Calif., in time to compete in this weekend’s Long Beach Grand Prix in the IndyCar Series.

I also want to tell Helio I’m retracting my suggesting a new model of the Spotter GPS Navigator that currently offers a Dale Earnhardt Jr. edition be issued in his honor.

My column today in the R-J and lvrj.com/motorsports was a humorous (I hope) attempt at suggesting other models, including “The Castroneves model No. 1040-Oops – (that) gives the nearest location of income tax services and federal penitentiaries.”

Sorry, Helio. Glad the only fences you’ll be climbing now are after winning races.