Wealth and talent abound at event

The Andre Agassi Foundation won't say how much money Saturday's "Grand Slam for Children" raised. The economy is dumb now, obviously, so this makes it sound like the Agassi concert's financial take was sadly less than last year's $9 million-plus.

Hard times suck. The buy-in, for companies and individuals, ranged from $10,000 to $85,000 to take over one of 180, 10-seat tables. Seats were almost all full and 1,900 saw The Killers, Sheryl Crow, Rod Stewart, Lifehouse, Charice Pempengco, Natasha Bedingfield, Ray Romano and David Spade.

Stewart performed first, and scores of rich people rushed the stage. But the room was so cozy, this meant they were shaking their rich rears in the faces of the billionaires and millionaires sitting at the most expensive tables near the stage.

So after Stewart finished, emcee David Foster asked the dancers to either sit or move to the unobstructing sides of the stage. Later, Foster made his only goof by reminding the wealthy (some wearing white top hats) of their bad week of financial losses.

"With the stock market (crash), all the people down here (in the front rows) who had money -- they don't have money anymore."

A collective moan let loose among the wealthy. They were, after all, donating tons of cash to Agassi's event and looking for a night where they could stick their fingers in their ears ("la la la") and ignore the stock market for five minutes.

VEGAS JOKES

Spade theorized Hugh Hefner died some time ago.

"He looks a little like papier-mâché," Spade said. "I think the girls are propping him up, like a 'Weekend at Bernie's' situation."

And Spade finds it too hard to pick up girls at the cavernous MGM Grand, because it's hard for women to find his room -- "I'm in room 42 quillion-5-thousand-million" -- after they travel the inner-hotel maze of shuttles and Lazy Susans.

Spade was funny. Romano was even funnier, joking that he and Spade went to the Chicken Ranch Brothel: "He likes chicken. We both like chicken."

IN THE CROWD

Mariah Carey and husband Nick Cannon were in the crowd. So was Sarah Ferguson, duchess of York. Ferguson said she came because she heads Children in Crisis, helping many schools in Sierra Leone, Liberia and Afghanistan. So she wanted to check out Agassi's "exceptional" foundation and fundraiser as potential role models, to see what she might import into Children in Crisis schools.

"I've read case studies" of students who attend Agassi's school. "It's just extraordinary. They never would have had an opportunity, had he not been there."

Agassi fans in the star system always talk like this. Crow said she gets daily requests to perform at charity events, but she limits her appearances to events for the environment, breast cancer and Agassi.

"I will continue to do it as long as he (Agassi) asks me to, because I was a teacher, and I have a kid," she said.

"And one of the things I worry most about is where we're going as a country, as far as how much we value our education. And right now, it looks like it's not one of our greater priorities."

THE PRICE OF OPRAH

Let's say you could have bid at Agassi's auction to have lunch with Oprah. How deep would you reach into your pocket?

MaryKaye Cashman, chair of the Boys & Girls Club of Las Vegas, offered $200,000 to grab lunch with O -- a package that comes with a safari in South Africa featuring 19 nights in boutique hotels and spas.

Cashman told me she greatly admires the works and authenticity of Oprah, Barack Obama and Agassi. She's such an Obama supporter, she changed party affiliation to caucus for the Democrat, who reminds her of Robert Kennedy. "The country is in a desperate need of an inspirational leader, and Obama is the best man for that," she said.

MORE POLITICS

No stars made political statements onstage. But on the red carpet, Crow (powerful handshake), said her upcoming pro-Obama tour will probably not make it to Nevada, even though Nevada is a battleground state. The tour is with the Beastie Boys, Tenacious D, Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews and Ben Harper.

Donny Osmond was asked on the carpet about the election. He said, "I don't get involved in politics." Despite his protestation, I sensed anxiety and asked if he thought the campaign's tone should be nicer.

"You think?!" he exclaimed quite seriously. "Maybe they ought to just talk to Donny and Marie and get some tips. I don't know. But it's a little bit crazy right now."

Doug Elfman's column appears on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 702-383-0391 or delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.