Brothers’ joys all relative

Noting the back-to-back NASCAR races won by Kurt and Kyle Busch, the satirical Web site The Onion.com took a look at other brother tandems in sports. A sampling:

"The Boones: Second baseman Bret and third baseman Aaron made major league history by becoming the first set of brothers to get their tips frosted at the same time."

"The Johnsons: Though they have yet to realize it, pitcher Randy Johnson and running back Larry Johnson remain one of the most talented brother tandems in sports."

"The Sharpes: Shannon and Sterling made a name for themselves in the NFL as the brother tandem whom everyone most wished would shut up."

"The Ripkens: Billy Ripken holds the record for most consecutive games watching his brother while grinding his teeth with jealousy."

• TRUE BLUE PREDICTIONS -- President Obama went 1-3 in his Final Four predictions, guessing wrong on Louisville, Memphis and Pittsburgh but avoiding a sweep with North Carolina.

Noting those selections, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg quipped, "I'll take three cities and one state that all voted Democratic for $500, Alex."

• PUTTING ON AIRS -- The Nottingham England Rugby Club put 1,000 blow-up dolls in the grandstand seats to make the atmosphere look better on TV and film, champions365. comreported.

Or as NBC's Len Berman put it, "The newest way to inflate your attendance figures."

• TIME FLIES -- Those who remember Gaylord Perry as baseball's most notorious pitcher -- he titled his autobiography "Me and the Spitter" -- will be shocked to learn the Hall of Famer is 70.

Serving as a guest instructor at the San Francisco Giants' spring training camp, Perry told the San Francisco Chronicle, "They say the changeup is the toughest pitch to throw. Well, my fastball is now a changeup."

• THE BRONX LOO -- Remnants of Yankee Stadium will be put up for auction -- from the foul poles down to the restroom fixtures.

"Hey," noted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, "who wouldn't want to own a throne that's the Sultan of Squat?"

• SMOKIN' -- A sports quiz, from Perry:

"Quincy Douby" is:

a) a D-League guard signed to a 10-day contract by the Toronto Raptors;

b) the nickname of a former pot-smoking Cowboys quarterback.

• NAMING RITES -- Calgary Stampeders quarterback Henry Burris gave his newborn son, Barron, the middle name Grey because of the Canadian Football League team's breakthrough Grey Cup win, the Calgary Sun reported.

Good thing he never won the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl.

• ONLY A TEST -- Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times, questioning the value of making NFL Draft prospects take Wunderlic tests: "Put it this way: Brett Favre scored a 22 and Alex Smith a 40."

• BASELINE FLIP-FLOPPER -- Kim Clijsters' recent decision to end her retirement and rejoin the professional tennis tour prompted the following headline in the Spokane (Wash.) Spokesman-Review: "Belgian waffle."

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