Dad recalls nightmare of learning college daughter was drugged, raped

He’s as solid a guy as you’re ever likely to meet. He’s a hard worker and devoted husband, a churchgoing family man who lives his faith.

Not long after we sat down for lunch the other day at a local haunt, it was clear something was troubling him. There was a catch in his voice and tears welled in his eyes as he searched for the right words.

But there’s no easy way to say that your daughter has been raped.

It happened during the Christmas holiday. She came home from college and was out with friends at a local bar. She had a couple drinks, nothing too serious, but found herself separated from her group.

And then she woke up in the parking lot. She was disheveled, her clothes torn. Her cellphone was missing. She was examined at a local emergency room. Police were called.

Authorities believe she was victimized by a sexual predator who slipped a form of knockout drop in her drink.

Police detectives are investigating the incident, which is clinically known as a drug facilitated sexual assault (DFSA).

But that’s not what her father calls it.

“It’s absolutely devastating,” he said. “It’s a nightmare, and it doesn’t go away. It’s about all you think about. At the same time, we’re just grateful she didn’t end up in an even worse situation. You have to count your blessings in the middle of this horrific act.

“Then you realize this is just one of many. It certainly wasn’t an isolated incident.”

Metro’s Sexual Assault Unit and the trauma nurses at University Medical Center and other hospital ERs are dealing with increasing incidents of drug-linked sexual assault. In hard-partying Southern Nevada, with its anything-goes reputation and 24-hour atmosphere, stories of women being victimized after unknowingly ingesting a date rape drug such as rohypnol, ketamine, or gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB) are common.

That’s what led to this father’s decision to talk about the damage it’s done not only to his daughter, but his family as well.

“It’s about the hardest thing to talk about,” he said. “But whenever you talk about it to friends, they just drop their heads. About six out of 10 of them come back with an instance that happened in their own family. That’s when I realized how rampant this was.”

And why, no matter how painful it may be, it’s important to seek help and report these violent crimes to law enforcement.

At the Rape Crisis Center, Executive Director Daniele Dreitzer is well aware of the trend. Her organization has designed a “Party Smart” campaign in an effort to combat the growing number of drug-related sexual assaults in Southern Nevada. Sexual assaults are notoriously underreported, but of the victims who came forward in 2014, 97 said they were drugged. That’s about 17 percent of the total reported rapes.

Reduced to human terms, Dreitzer said, “That’s over eight people a month. It is alarming, for sure.”

When it comes to sexual assault, there’s still a victim-blaming culture in the public and some elements of the press. And victims often blame themselves, too. Drinking in a bar isn’t an invitation to be sexually assaulted. And sex facilitated by slipping a drug to a victim and rendering her unconscious isn’t romance, it’s rape. But the stigmas and stereotypes persist.

“My daughter said she felt ashamed even though she was the victim,” the father said. “She felt like it was her fault. She was drinking alone. I don’t think she would have told us if she hadn’t gone to the hospital. It would have been just another unreported case, and she would have been bearing the whole burden by herself.”

As detectives continue their investigation, his daughter has returned to school and has begun seeing a counselor. Her parents are in therapy, too.

But her father knows what other parents and their children are enduring, often in silence, in a town with a wild reputation.

At the Rape Crisis Center, Dreitzer hears similar stories and knows that education is one way to make a difference. The goal of the Party Smart program is to inform young women of ways to avoid being victimized in a social setting. Getting your own drinks and never leaving them unattended, seeking immediate help if you begin to feel sick after ingesting little or no alcohol, and saying something when you see suspicious behavior are a few tips offered by the center. (For more information, go to rcclv.org, or call the hotline at 702-366-1640.)

“People have to step up,” the father said through his pain. “We have to start talking about this. It’s not about my family. People should know that this is out there, and it’s dangerous.”

John L. Smith’s column appears Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Email him at Smith@reviewjournal.com or call 702-383-0295. Follow him on Twitter @jlnevadasmith.