Federal guide on ‘How To Roast A Marshmallow’

Quite enough has been written about the encroaching federal “Nanny State.” Some of it is a bit of a stretch, in my opinion. But every once in a while along comes something that makes you wonder: “Hmmm, maybe my government does go a little too far.”

Consider this 700-word piece from the U.S. Forest Service instructing citizens on how to safely roast a marshmallow. You think I’m joking? It’s real.

Here’s an excerpt directly from your federal government:

“First, let’s talk safety. Never start a campfire when there are fire restrictions in place. The restrictions are put in place for your safety and for the safety of others. If campfires are allowed, use an existing fire ring or pit. Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects. Most importantly, ensure you work closely with children and talk to them about fire danger, proper behavior and rules – then expect nothing less. No one knows how many children are burned in campfire incidents; however, you don’t need statistics to know precaution is a key to great camping experiences. Some experts advocate a 10-foot rule between young children and a campfire. For more information about campfire safety, let Smokey Bear guide you.”

Well, thanks, Smokey. I did not know that there was a 10-foot rule for young kids roasting marshmallows. Now, where can I get 12-foot roasting sticks? And, more importantly, when that kid’s marshmallow bursts into flame and she jerks that 12-footer around … oh, boy, that will be fun.

I’ll be looking forward to the “Don’t Run With Scissors” guide from Uncle Sam.

Have a great weekend, peeps. Don’t forget to tune in to my Sunday column. It’ll be in all the best newspapers everywhere and posted right here about midnight Sunday morning. Our federal government is big on warning us on how to safely roast a marshmallow, but I don’t see the Obama administration doing much to protect us from ISIS. It’s a column I think you will want to read.

Meanwhile in the credit-where-credit-is-due department, H/T to Pete Kasperowic at The Blaze for the marshmallow safety piece.