‘Mojo Makeover’ doesn’t have all that much

‘‘Mojo’’ — ‘‘a charm or amulet thought to have magical powers, or power, luck, etc., as of magical or supernatural origin.’’ That’s according to Webster’s New World College Dictionary, third edition.

And then there’s Dana B. Myers. According to her, it’s ‘‘your feminine sexual spark.’’ It’s ‘‘your sex — your sexual attitude, your sexual drive, your personal sexual magnetism, and a reflection of how free you are to express yourself sexually.’’

Dear God in heaven, I have a headache — and it’s only Page 2.

Myers is the founder, according to the book jacket, of the Booty Parlor, a sexy-beauty-and-lifestyle brand — read sex toys — and apparently among the legion who believe anybody can write a book, and they most definitely should.

Sometimes a girl just oughta say no.

The book is "Mojo Makeover: Four Weeks to a Sexier You." It takes up such fraught subjects as What Hinders Your Mojo — perhaps reading when you could be doing other things — and Give Your Wardrobe a Mojo Makeover — are you ready for it? Buy some new bras and panties.

Stock up on Sexy Accessories, she urges, (and she has just the source for THOSE,) and The Big 5-O Program (hint, she’s not talking about turning 50).

Then there are such chapters as Focus on Foreplay, The Art of Talking Dirty, and Exploring Fantasies.

After spending a couple of incredulous hours trying to wade through the bubblegum pink subtitles, the aren’t-we-being-shocking paragraph intros, my eyes had trouble focusing. On anything. I did talk a little dirty about having wasted my time on a book that insults an adult woman’s intelligence. And, I’m betting, the intelligence of a lot of teenage girls. I suspect that the pink’s for them. Subtitles such as ‘‘Hook a Hottie’’ guarantee it.

And I explored some fantasies. Imagining Five Hundred Uses for Ridiculous Writing. The Circle of Hell for Writers Who Waste My Time.

Anybody has a right to write a book. Taking your audience for granted, though, is naughty, naughty, naughty. Most women have a sensual life way more advanced than the advice contained in this book. For those who need help in the area of sexuality, wise is the woman who consults a physician or psychologist — not a seller of sex toys.

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