Signaling gives right idea … or left

You probably think most drivers around you are nuts. And they probably think that you're nuts.

It's an issue I suspect most of you have even faced many times in the run of a day.

The individual reasons will vary, but the sentiment is universal: No one else knows how to drive ... except, of course, me (or you, from your perspective).

Of course I'm talking about turn signals and, more importantly, people who don't understand what they're for or the importance of using them.

Lately, for whatever reason, I've been running low on tolerance for these folks.

It's as though my brain has suddenly hit its saturation point for bad driving, unnecessary braking, emergency swerving and mental frustration that comes from the flagrant abuse of the little lever with the cheery little clicking sound.

Exactly what kind of driver brakes before -- BEFORE -- signaling for a turn?

Yes, dear reader, I know you know the feeling. There is almost nothing that frustrates us more as drivers than people who suddenly slow down for no reason, making us think there's either some emergency up ahead, or that they're going to park right there in the middle of the street.

When I finally see them put on their signal long after all the other traffic has scrambled to slow down (by then it's a little late, because that's the point of signaling), I have to fight the urge to pull over and explain a few basic rules of the road.

Why I, or anyone who's not a high school driving instructor, would have to explain this to anyone with a license is completely beyond me. But I shall, just so you can maybe explain it a little better to these dangerous people if and when you run across them.

It's like this, see: Your turn signal tells us you're about to turn. Hmmm, pretty straightforward I think. But wait, there's more. It tells us that when you suddenly break the flow of traffic in a few seconds, the person behind you (aka me) will know you're not bracing for some emergency, or losing control of your car, or pausing to admire the scenery, read a map or do a crossword as one Las Vegas cabdriver recently did with me in the vehicle.

It says "Hey! I'm about to turn, so don't drive into the back of me."

The other way, braking before you signal , says, "I might be up to something that might kill us all, but I'm not telling you what, exactly."

Of course, I'm sure there are many intelligent people out there wondering why I'm driving so close that I'd have to slam on my brakes when the person in front of me does. The answer is, I'm not. I leave a lot of space in front of me.

Not to mention the fact that many of these drivers seem to make a habit of disregarding the people behind them by hitting the brakes for no apparent reason blocks in advance of a turn. Now at first, I naturally braked as well, thinking -- and I know this will sound crazy -- this person wouldn't slow down without a good reason .... it must be an emergency. Perhaps a child is running across the street? Maybe there's an animal on the road? Maybe there's an accident up ahead, not just the one the guy in front of me is about to cause? Maybe they're searching for a gummy bear that was dropped on the carpet?

Why else would they just brake in the middle of the road? What possible reason could there be?

So I have to be honest. After several blocks of this, in the interest of being a responsible driver, and in the interest of everyone driving behind me, I'm forced to guess whether this person is really about to stop, or just doesn't know how to drive. And that leaves me not knowing whether this is the time I have to actually stop, or whether this is just one more false alarm. And lately it feels like it's just been full of false alarms.

On the up side, I have a solution (surprise, surprise).

I propose drivers who can't pass a reasonable turning test just shouldn't be allowed to turn. Period. Turning is a big responsibility, and a skill, and if people just can't handle that kind of complication, I say make them drive straight. No rights, no lefts, no U-turns. Just straight, straight, straight. Hopefully, if we keep this up, they'll all be 60 miles out of down by dinner with no hope of coming back since they can't turn.

Of course, then they probably really would brake in the middle of the road. So maybe at the same time we should just take away the brakes and steering wheels and just leave them in their seats.

In fact, now that I think about it, I've got the perfect name for it. Why don't we call it public transit?

Among her numerous accomplishments, Courtney Hansen is the author of her own book, the host of Spike TV's "Power Block," the former host of TLC's "Overhaulin'" and a writer with Wheelbase Media. You can email her by logging on to www.shiftweekly.com and using the contact form.