This stimulus package throws caution to the wind, which usually works here

Forget CityCenter. Here are some ways to turn Las Vegas around guaranteed not to cannibalize room rates or restaurant reservations.

Are you paying attention, Mr. Wynn? Mayor Goodman?

HOTEL ROULETTE

Tourists arrive at McCarran International Airport without accommodations. They pay $50 to spin a wheel marked with every hotel in town -- from Four Seasons on down to Siegel Suites. Where it lands is where they stay -- unless they pay to spin again. You think you've seen real Las Vegas gambling before?

BUILD-A-STRIP CONSTRUCTION EXPERIENCE

First they come, then they build it. Tourists are handed a hard hat and a crane, with which they help finish Echelon, then Fontainebleau. Before the unions know it, Las Vegas Boulevard will look the way it was supposed to in 2007.

LAKE MEAD BATHTUB RING AD SPACE

No longer must the world's largest strip of white background go to waste. Fishermen and drunken tourists are brand-loyal not only to bait and beer, but also hooks and malt liquor. And the good news is that perilously decreasing water levels (120 feet below full and counting) give advertisers more space each year to add to the bottom of their messages.

1-800-TIGERSBABES BILLBOARD TRUCKS

For the right price, Tiger Woods' Las Vegas mistresses come straight to your room. If there's one thing the beleaguered golfer also is a pro at, it's picking bodacious women. And this is one sponsor who won't bail on him.

TEMPORARY MARRIAGE LICENSE

Even when a marriage happens in Vegas, it can stay here, too. Since many tourists who walk our aisles get divorced anyway, this certificate would come with an ironclad prenup built in. (When your vacation ends, so do your legal obligations.) It should be expensive enough to boost city revenue, yet less expensive than a Beverly Hills divorce attorney.

CAGE FIGHT: STEVE WYNN VS. SHELDON ADELSON

The Strip's least neighborly neighbors finally put their fists where their mouths are. And don't let Adelson's age fool you. Even at 76, he'll fight to the death.

ACTUAL HANGINGS AT BONNIE SPRINGS

Think of all the moola bloodthirsty Nevadans and tourists would cough up to see real criminals dropped from the gallows pole without the benefit of a stunt back brace.

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL MOON FRYE

Who didn't love "Punky Brewster"? And how could she prove any lamer of a choice to build a show around than Criss Angel?

MAGLEV TO PAHRUMP

The trip that tourists with disposable income really want shortened does not end at Disneyland.

BRING BACK THE MOB

They can't do any worse than the less-shiny suits are doing. Sure, enemies might get whacked. But hey, it's business.