Who Wins in Vegas?
It's that time of year again.
No, not spring. Not Easter or Passover. Not Daylight Saving Time, even.
It's Bracket Season, that time of year when basketball-loving Americans pore over oddly configured diagrams, searching for that perfect meshing of hoped-for championship team and proper playoff round.
But bracketology -- the science of knowing which team plugs into where on an NCAA playoff diagram -- isn't useful only for predicting college basketball championship winners. In their book "The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything" (Bloomsbury, 2007), authors Mark Reiter and Richard Sandomir demonstrate how the same bracketing process can be applied to even the most humdrum decisions of daily life.
Their thesis: The same process that winnows 65 college basketball teams into an ultimate champion can help us decide on everything from the best beer to, say, the best Frank Sinatra song.
The underlying idea is that it's easier to make a decision among pairs of whatevers than from a lot of whatevers taken all together. So, pair off your choices, pick a winner for each, then face each off against the next pair's winner. And, presto, you'll eventually have an ultimate winner.
We are so intrigued by this that we decided to experiment with the process ourselves. In keeping with a Final Four theme, we've chosen a few Las Vegas-centric face-offs to see where they would lead. It's hardly scientific -- feel free to argue -- but it does turn out to be a fascinating exercise.
And, if nothing else, it's a great time waster until it's time to fill out our real NCAA tournament brackets when teams are announced this afternoon.
MOST INTERESTING HOTEL HONCHO
Steve Wynn
Benny Binion
Winner: Benny Binion. Wynn's a talented businessman, but it's Binion who's the epitome of that classic seat-of-the-pants, damn-it-all, gotta-be-me attitude that made Las Vegas.
Bugsy Siegel
Howard Hughes
Winner: Howard Hughes. Only in Vegas can a mobbed-up guy with big dreams be overshadowed by an eccentric, reclusive billionaire with long fingernails and tissue-box shoes.
Benny Binion
Howard Hughes
Winner: Benny Binion. While Hughes certainly raised Las Vegas' weirdness quotient during his brief time here, Binion was a Texas transplant who was, first and last, a gambler who truly lived the life that made the city famous.
TASTIEST LATE-NIGHT MUNCHIES
Shrimp cocktail
Coffee shop steak-and-eggs special
Winner: The coffee shop steak-and-eggs special. White shouldn't be worn after Labor Day, and seafood -- except for, maybe, a fish taco -- shouldn't be eaten after midnight.
Sports book hot dog
In-N-Out Burger Winner: In-N-Out Burger. Nothing against the all-American tube steak, but In-N-Out Burger is the only real reason for Nevadans to cut Californians some slack already.
Coffee shop steak-and-eggs special
In-N-Out Burger
Winner: In-N-Out Burger. They're incredibly tasty and the supersecret variations offer a cool Skull-and-Bones twist to the simple act of ordering a slab of dead cow. Make ours animal style.
COOLEST LANDMARK/TOURIST ATTRACTION
Stratosphere Tower
Eiffel Tower at Paris Las Vegas
Winner: Stratosphere Tower. Sure, the tower doesn't quite succeed in pulling off that diamond-in-a-setting look we assume it's meant to, but the thrill rides at the top push it squarely into bizzaro territory.
Fountains of Bellagio
Sirens of TI
Winner: Fountains of Bellagio. (Weren't expecting this one, were you?) The Sirens are, indeed, babes, but how can you miss with a refreshing dancing-waters theme in a desert?
Stratosphere Tower
Fountains of Bellagio
Winner: Fountains of Bellagio. When the Stratosphere Tower starts piping in Andrea Bocelli music as you cheat death on one of those Torquemada-designed attactions they call "thrill rides," we'll reconsider.
DUMBEST FASHION ACCOUTERMENT
Fanny pack
Stupidly colored wig
Winner: Fanny pack. Do people wear these things when they're not visiting Las Vegas? It's not like you ever see people wearing 'em in Duluth.
Botox treatments
Trophy Wife/Boy Toy
Winner: Trophy Wife/Boy Toy. Get one of these and nobody's going to even notice your crow's feet.
Fanny Pack
Trophy Wife/Boy Toy
Winner: Trophy Wife/Boy Toy. Unfortunately, unlike a fanny pack, a Trophy Wife/Boy Toy is easily lost.
COOLEST SHOW NAME
"Nudes on Ice"
"Boylesque"
Winner: "Nudes on Ice." Topless showgirls ice skating on a rink the size of a tract home's covered patio? That's Vegas, baby!
"Les Folies Bergere"
"Crazy Girls"
Winner: "Crazy Girls." "Les Folies Bergere" sounds classier, but "Crazy Girls" somehow seems more in sync with the true essence of Las Vegas entertainment.
"Nudes on Ice"
"Crazy Girls"
Winner: "Nudes on Ice." It's like some random name generator was tasked with choosing the perfect Las Vegas show name. They're nude! And ... they're on ice! Simply brilliant.
