Returning civility to public discourse an exalted if improbable goal

Since returning from three days in Cedar City at the Utah Shakespearean Festival and throughout the Democratic National Convention, I've been pondering civility. One of the reasons I enjoy Southern Utah is that people I encounter there are so polite, so friendly, so helpful.

When browsing through the Southern Utah University bookstore, I saw a sign propped atop a pile of the same book, saying mandatory reading for freshman was a book called "Choosing Civility" by P.M. Forni. That's when I realized that it was civility that has drawn me to Cedar City since 1984. Sure the play's the thing, but escaping from less civil Las Vegas to small town warmth is a real vacation.

Jill Wilks, director of the university's First Year Learning Experience, chose the required summer reading for all incoming freshman and I wondered why.

"Maybe it's just because I am old, but manners and civility seem in short supply," the sociology professor wrote in an e-mail. "I moved to Cedar City 35 years ago and fell in love with it because it was 30 years behind the time -- a compliment I can pay to nearly every small, rural town -- but Cedar City seemed especially insulated because it was a small town inside Utah, which at the time was a rurally isolated state. The craziness of the techno/industrial world was available just hours away in Vegas, but I could always retreat to the 'past' in Cedar City. Unfortunately, even Cedar City catches up with the times, and I am noticing the general decline in civility that the nation has been noticing for years."

Come to think of it, one young woman had flipped me off in St. George while I was trying, unsuccessfully, to change lanes.

The book includes 25 rules of considerate conduct, and the professor from Italy who wrote it made those rules easy to understand.

Pay attention. Acknowledge others. Think the best. Listen. Be inclusive. Speak kindly. Don't speak ill. Accept and give praise. Respect even a subtle "No." Respect others' opinions. Mind your body. Be agreeable. Keep it down (and rediscover silence). Respect other people's time. Respect other people's space. Apologize earnestly. Assert yourself. Avoid personal questions. Care for your guests. Be a considerate guest. Think twice before asking for favors. Refrain from idle compliments. Accept and give constructive criticism. Respect the environment and be gentle to animals. Don't shift responsibility and blame.

Forni's book, published in 2002, fleshed out his rules with concrete everyday examples, making this a starting point for a thought-provoking discussion for families. He said he wrote the book because, while literature had been his life, one day during his "Divine Comedy" lecture, "I looked at my students and realized that I wanted them to be kind human beings more than I wanted them to know about Dante."

At the Democratic National Convention, one of the strongest applause lines Michelle Obama received was when she said she and her husband were raised with similar values, "that you work hard for what you want in life, that your word is your bond and you do what you say you're going to do, that you treat people with dignity and respect, even if you don't know them and even if you don't agree with them."

Her words paralleled "Choosing Civility" in that both are basic truths that we say more easily than we do.

I doubt we're going to see an abundance of civility between now and Nov. 4, particularly during the Republican National Convention. Barack Obama and running mate Joe Biden know they'll be mocked, taunted and ridiculed by the GOP, otherwise why have a convention?

The downside of choosing civility is that it doesn't make riveting news stories. The media rarely choose civility over conflict. But my favorite convention speeches last week were from Michelle Obama, Caroline Kennedy and Beau Biden, the ones that seemed the most genuine and the most civil.

Putting civility aside, for comic relief, the most entertaining convention speeches were by Bill and Hillary Clinton, as they extolled Barack Obama's presidential-worthiness, and made it seem like they really, really meant it, despite everything they said about him awhile back. And maybe that's part of civility too: sounding like you mean it. Or would that be hypocrisy?

Jane Ann Morrison's column appears Monday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail her at Jane@reviewjournal.com or call (702) 383-0275.