Time for me to take a new road

It's impossible to count how many times I stared at this blank screen on deadline Friday morning without a clue about what words would end up in the newspaper.

At times I likened it to the food competition "Chopped." I possessed random pieces of information, some of it weird, with the challenge of blending it together into a readable story. Well today is simple because I want to let you know I chopped myself to pursue a different challenge.

It will not be "Dancing with the Stars," trust me.

When I embarked on this gig three years ago, I promised I would personally check out readers' concerns. I hopped the Westcliff Airport Express route three times to inform potential passengers exactly how long it took to reach McCarran. But my favorite was a challenge from David, who bet I couldn't get to the Centennial Hills Shopping Center from U.S. Highway 95 north without getting lost.

Ha! I not only found myself lost a dozen times but hit a trillion unexpected dead-ends and put 55 miles on my car in the process. The signage and roadways up there need some serious improvement.

I purchased tickets to Los Angeles on three different airlines just so I could get to one of the new X-ray machines that flash naked pictures of passengers on a screen monitored by some creepy Transportation Security Administration agent.

A friendly agent finally felt me up, but unfortunately my reward for pursuing a good grope wasn't a nap on the beach; it was trip back to the office on a congested Interstate 15.

Perhaps my social life will liven up a bit without the column. I've transformed into a transportation nerd, listening intently to descriptions of the ingredients that create crown-rubber asphalt, then trying to share my titillating lesson with my friends over a beer. Without fail, somebody would change the subject. Hey, man, this (stuff) is intriguing.

They were bothered by my backseat warnings that crossing the gore on the freeway was an illegal maneuver.

And after writing about the unpleasant traffic officers at the airport's passenger pickup corridor, throwing McCarran officials into a tizzy, I found myself driving solo to pick up visitors as my friends refused to be seen with me.

When I adopted this beat 300 columns ago, we toyed with changing the name since it didn't really reflect a woman's point of view. Ultimately, it was decided we wouldn't, but a few readers thought of their own monikers, some of which can't be printed.

One man referred to me as the "Road Monkey." Quiet down - I don't want to be shot by the cops. Then there is the less friendly guy who calls me "Cone Lady." Dude, that belongs to Madonna for sure. She wears cones as bras and is old enough to be called lady; I am not.

Most readers were kind and sometimes offered constructive criticism, but it was typically followed up with a note that they appreciated the information provided and my quirky, dry sense of humor. One guy proposed to me, but I had no way to accept because we have no access to commenters' contact information. I had picked out my dress and everything.

The commenters on the brutal side also were appreciated. I will certainly move on in life with thicker skin, so thank you.

During my lengthy journalism career I have been fortunate enough to ride along with Bird Man, a Thunderbird pilot who actually handed the controls over to me. Gripping the joystick, I successfully executed a corkscrew roll and a perfect loop, then the Bird Man took us up to 9.2 Gs. No, I didn't puke.

But the scariest assignment was walking to the edge of the Hoover Dam bypass bridge when there was only a six-foot gap between the spans deck. I trembled as I peered 900 feet down into the emerald green waters of the Colorado River.

It has been a wonderful run and enjoyable interacting with members of this community. I'm sure that whoever takes over this column will do a fantastic job. Talented reporters sit at every single desk in this newsroom.

There are plenty of major projects coming down the pike, a plethora of lingering questions.

It will be interesting to see how Project Neon unfolds and the improvements it makes to the ingress and egress to downtown Las Vegas. Will the Boulder City bypass actually receive funding and become a reality? Will it be a toll road?

Will some portion of Interstate 15 always be under construction? Will steps be taken to make it more difficult to leap from the bypass bridge?

I will do my best to pass along your unanswered questions to the new reporter, but please keep them coming to roadwarrior@reviewjournal.com, even if you had already sent them to me. It's been a pleasure digging up information and attempting to keep you updated on road conditions.

That said, I'll wrap this up by asking this newspaper my own important question that has nagged at me for months: Why are sour worms in the "healthy" section of the vending machine and the fruit snacks are not?

If you have a question, tip or tirade, send an email to roadwarrior@reviewjournal.com. Include your phone number.