Taxes won’t lead to a world without Whoppers!

U.S. Sen. Dean Heller gave me a hell of a scare last week.

During an editorial board meeting, he told Review-Journal staffers that companies including Burger King and Oreo just couldn't afford to do business in the United States anymore because of high corporate tax rates.

WHAT?! You mean to tell me I will never again taste a delicious Whopper with cheese, made just the way I want it?! (Add mustard!) You're saying future road trips will have to be executed without Oreos?! How could this happen?

False alarm: Heller wasn't saying those companies left America. You can still buy all the Whoppers and Oreos you want.

It's just that Burger King's corporate headquarters has legally relocated. Here, let's let Heller explain:

"There's a reason why Burger King moved their corporate headquarters to Canada," Heller said. "There's a reason Ford took their shop building new Ford trucks and moved it to Mexico. There's a reason Oreo moved their company. And that is because they can't afford — they can't afford — to do business in this country anymore. We have the highest corporate tax rate in the world. You are not going to be competitive if you have the highest corporate tax rate in the world."

As it turns out, there is a reason why Burger King moved to Canada, but it's got nothing to do with taxes. Obviously, Burger King could afford paying U.S. taxes, and it did for many years.

What the company did was a tax dodge called a corporate inversion, in which a U.S. company essentially becomes a subsidiary of a foreign corporation, which allows it to shield earnings on overseas subsidiaries from U.S. taxation. "Inverted" companies still do business in the United States. They still pay taxes on profits earned in the United States. But they get more favorable tax treatment when it comes to earnings on their foreign subsidiaries.

"And as long as businesses are leaving this country, you know we're moving in the wrong direction," Heller continued. "And we need tax reform, because businesses are relocating out of this country. These inversions have to stop."

Indeed, they must! If only we knew somebody in government, somebody who could introduce legislation targeting corporate inversions, somebody even who sits on a committee with relevant jurisdiction.

Hey, wait a second … Heller is a senator! And he sits on the Senate Finance Committee!

Of course, precisely what to do about corporate inversions is still a matter of intense debate in Congress. But of several anti-inversion bills (all introduced by Democrats) in the 113th Congress, Heller hasn't signed on.

Heller went on to say that if corporate tax rates were lowered — they range all the way up to 35 percent — the U.S. treasury could benefit from getting a smaller share of a large pot of money that's held offshore. But that assumes there's no way to keep U.S. companies from engaging in legal chicanery to avoid paying their full, fair share of taxes. (You can argue the United States as a matter of policy simply shouldn't tax the foreign earnings of domestic corporations, but that's the congressionally authorized law of the land right now.)

Heller is right about two things. There is a reason companies such as Burger King do inversions: Burger King is a corporation, and corporations exist to make as much money as possible for shareholders. If that means dodging taxes, then that's what they'll do. But let's not pretend Congress is powerless to stop it. And let's certainly not pretend Burger King was being driven out of business because of taxes.

That brings us to thing No. 2 Heller is right about: Inversions have to stop. Let's see what he does to make that happen.

But please, for the love of God, don't even joke about a world without Whoppers.

— Steve Sebelius is a Las Vegas Review-Journal political columnist. Follow him on Twitter (@SteveSebelius) or reach him at 702-387-5276 or ssebelius@reviewjournal.com.