Bakersfield retort short on humor

We at Leftovers aren't so much hurt as we are disappointed.

Here, after all, was a golden opportunity to play into the Las Vegas stereotypes -- hookers on every corner, seniors blowing their Social Security checks at penny slot machines, a surrounding desert filled with people who, ahem, "disappeared."

We aren't a difficult target.

But, no, Bakersfield Californian columnist Richard Beene didn't go the light-hearted route, instead taking exception to a tongue-in-cheek roasting of his fine city by Las Vegas Review-Journal sports writer and J.P. Losman admirer (yeah, that's right) Adam Hill.

Our distinguished colleague had a little fun with Bakersfield after traveling there for the UNLV basketball team's victory over the Roadrunners on Jan. 5. He took shots at everything from the security guard pacing outside the arena to hotel accommodations that reminded no one of the Ritz-Carlton.

"I always caution my friends about being too thin skinned about Bakersfield, which certainly has its issues, but when did Las Vegas become anyone's view of the promised land?" Beene wrote in the Californian. "Before Adam Hill trips on his own judgmental smugness, he might remember that zip codes are never guarantees of personal happiness."

Maybe not, but in this case, it doesn't hurt. Oops, sorry, this is supposed to be fun and not personal.

The next time Bakersfield gets attacked as a less-than-ideal destination city, Beene should answer with humor. In the meantime, he can rue the missed opportunity to throw a few barbs our way.

Las Vegas, after all, can take a joke.

■ RUNNIN' TO THE REBELS -- UNLV basketball fans rightfully were elated Monday when Khem Birch chose the Rebels over Florida, but his transfer from Pittsburgh comes with a red flag.

Birch wasn't even midway through his freshman season at Pitt before deciding he didn't want to stay.

Sports Illustrated's Seth Davis said the decisions to transfer by Birch and Jabari Brown -- who left Oregon for Missouri -- were troubling.

"Both players were heralded recruits coming out of high school, so we know they have talent," Davis wrote. "But what happens when the going gets tough again? Will they keep running for the hills?"

UNLV made the right decision to take Birch, but the Rebels need to be careful not to invite an unnecessary distraction for a program headed in the right direction.

■ NEVER BET AGAINST HIM -- Bill Walters (seems strange not to write "Billy") settled a dispute with investors of Stallion Mountain Country Club on Wednesday, one day after his civil case went to trial.

This reporter was a potential juror who walked into the courtroom with nearly 80 others who weren't thrilled at the prospect of a trial expected to last up to six weeks. The attorneys and their clients stared at us as if we had told them to go live in Bakersfield.

To the right of Walters' defense team stood what must have been 7-foot high stacks of documents in row after row.

Say this for Walters, the renowned sports bettor who convinced "60 Minutes" a year ago to fawn all over his ability to pick the right side of point spreads: The man knows how to stack the odds in his favor.

COMPILED BY MARK ANDERSON
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL