However brief it might be, the Kerry Collins era started Sunday with a comedy of errors by the Indianapolis Colts. The 38-year-old quarterback with a white beard reminded everyone why he had retired from the NFL and retreated to his farm.
And everyone was reminded why the Colts recently handed Peyton Manning a five-year, $90 million contract despite his neck injury.
Indianapolis Star columnist Bob Kravitz seemed in disbelief after watching the Colts get cremated 34-7 by the Houston Texans.
“They can’t be this bad. Not with Reggie Wayne and Dwight Freeney, with Dallas Clark and Joseph Addai the Indianapolis Colts can’t be this bad,” Kravitz wrote. “Clearly, this was awful. It was epic in its awfulness. This was worse than any of those worst-case scenarios.
“Manning lost just two fumbles all of last season. Collins lost two in the first quarter. (Colts players) said all week they wanted to show the world they aren’t a one-man team, and then they went out like the post-LeBron James Cavaliers and stunk it up.”
It was so bad that when the Colts trailed 34-0 at halftime, fans in Indianapolis sports bars were heard chanting for Tim Tebow.
■ A PILE OF (EXPLETIVE) — Yes, ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski said exactly what you thought you heard during the “Monday Night Football” telecast in Miami.
After Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne overthrew Brandon Marshall in the end zone, Jaworski commented, “That’s one Chad would love to have back. (Expletive), you have to get rid of this ball just a split-second quicker.”
Jaworski later apologized for using an “inappropriate word.”
The next day, ESPN issued an apology for televising the (expletive) Oakland Raiders-Denver Broncos game.
■ A HOT NIGHT IN ALASKA — Before her political career took off, Sarah Palin was a TV sports reporter in Alaska, and a story she covered is coming back to haunt her.
In 1987, Michigan star Glen Rice was playing in a college basketball holiday tournament in Anchorage when he caught more than Palin’s eye. According to The National Enquirer’s report on Joe McGinniss’ upcoming book on Palin, she had a one-night stand with Rice, who confirmed it in the book.
Normally, this is where the writer attempts to insert a funny one-liner. But just go to Deadspin.com, where you can read more if you want a laugh.
■ DODGER BLUES — The Los Angeles Dodgers used to play their Triple-A baseball in Las Vegas. Now they play their minor leaguers — no disrespect to stars Matt Kemp and Clayton Kershaw — in LA.
The Dodgers are 73-75, and manager Don Mattingly has continually preached to the media that his scrappy bunch is not quitting on the quest to finish .500.
From T.J. Simers of the Los Angeles Times: “General manager Ned Colletti is telling reporters, ‘I don’t think we’re that far away.’ That says one of two things.
“1) Colletti has talked to (owner) Frank McCourt and has been told he will have no money to improve the roster. 2) Colletti knows nothing about baseball. The best guess is No. 2.”
COMPILED BY MATT YOUMANS
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL