Ho-ho-hold on to your trousers

Bill Simmons of ESPN the Magazine proposes a rule banning baseball managers from wearing uniforms and points, as an example, to Philadelphia Phillies manager Charlie Manuel:

"The poor man looks like he's just months away from putting on a Santa suit and posing for pictures at a mall. Can't managers wear hoodies and jogging pants like NFL coaches do?

"What happens if Charlie's pants fall down during the Series? His lard is on your hands."

• X FACTORS -- ESPN the Magazine asked top action sports stars what they'd do if they were the U.S. president.

Said Nate Holland, four-time X Games gold medalist and star of the U.S. snowboard team: "I'd apologize to the world for having such a derelict president the last eight years. Then I'd shift the budget from fighting an oil-driven war to developing green energy alternatives."

From Ryan Nyquist, 13-time X Games BMX dirt and park medalist: "I'd drop bikes and skateboards in Iraq and see how it worked out."

Drop bikes and skateboards? That could hurt.

• ADVERSE CONDITIONS -- Buffalo Bills guard Langston Walker was asked how he would use his team's bye week to "recover from the adversity" of the Bills' first loss of the season, a 41-17 defeat to the Arizona Cardinals last weekend.

"I wouldn't call this adversity," Walker said. "Adversity is waking up and driving to work every day. There's all kinds of potholes, bad drivers and deer that might run in front of your car. That's pretty adverse to me."

• AMONG THE (ELI)TE -- Best quarterback in the NFL?

With Tom Brady and Peyton Manning dealing with injuries and a slew of other top quarterbacks playing for losing teams, it might come down to Eli Manning of the New York Giants and Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys.

Wrote Tom Rock of Newsday: "Unless you routinely wear a 10-gallon hat to work, it's a no-brainer."

• NOT YET A FAN -- Reacting to news that Miami might have a team in the "Lingerie Football League," scheduled to launch in September, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald wrote: "One of the 10 supposed teams will be the Miami Caliente. I have few additional details. Meantime, I just pray to God it doesn't turn out to be a men's league."

• SPECIAL DELIVERY -- The world's tallest man, a 7-foot, 9-inch Mongolian herdsman, fathered his first child this month.

"Labor lasted for two hours, delivery lasted 24," comedy writer Jerry Perisho noted. "The man received congratulatory phone calls from all over the world, but mostly from basketball coaches in the ACC."

• HE'S GOT MOVES -- The University of Hawaii football team is celebrating the return of Guyton Galdeira. Though only 5 feet 8 inches, Galdeira is regarded as one of the school's toughest special-teams players in recent years.

Where has Galdeira been? The nonscholarship player had taken a job as a hula dancer.

• CAR WARS -- From Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: "Honda has been named the 'official car' of the NHL.

"The WNBA, not to be outdone, is rolling out a 'Yugo, girl!' ad campaign."

REVIEW-JOURNAL WIRE SERVICES