How do Chinese say ‘goon’?

Charles Wang, the Shanghai-born owner of the New York Islanders, has hired announcers to call games in Mandarin.

But they're apparently having trouble translating certain words and phrases into the Chinese language.

Thus, the Bruins have become the Brown Bears, and the Panthers are Black Leopards.

Writes ESPN the Magazine: "At least the Far East will get a clear intro to the NHL's best, Sid the Kid," quoting announcer Justin Chang as explaining, "Everyone knows what a Penguin is."

• RIGHT AT HOME -- Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson will do what it takes to keep rookie Luke Schenn from getting homesick for rural Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

Said Wilson to CanWest News: "We'll make sure he gets plenty of DVDs of 'Green Acres' and maybe 'The Beverly Hillbillies' and shows like that, and he'll be fine."

• MISERLY MANNY -- If the Los Angeles Dodgers' Manny Ramirez were a baseball fan, you would find him in the cheap seats. Said the Baltimore Orioles' Kevin Millar on "Best Damn Sports Show Period" of his former Boston Red Sox teammate:

"Manny would have a tough time going to team dinners because he was scared to get the bill."

• CATCH AND SHOOT -- Bob Knight, legendary for his controversial actions and his ability to teach basketball, told WFYI-TV in Indianapolis: "In college basketball, if you get caught cheating, they should shoot you because you're too dumb to be alive."

• WAIT AND SEE -- Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens, to the Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram, on those who predict he'll soon throw a tantrum now that the team has signed another star wide receiver, Roy Williams: "They're idiots."

• TICKET TO JAIL -- Even for The Big Easy, this was too easy.

New Orleans cops nabbed a teenage credit-card thief sitting in the stands at the Saints-Vikings game Oct. 6 -- after he used the card to buy a ticket to the game.

As New Orleans police Maj. Greg Elder told The Times-Picayune: "You would think if you are going to buy a ticket to get in the stadium (with a stolen card), you would go sit somewhere else."

• FINE OF THE TIMES -- Is the NFL too tame? Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that players are afraid to make hits like players they looked up to.

"When you see guys like Dick Butkus, the Ronnie Lotts, the Jack Tatums, these guys really went after people," Polamalu said. "Now they couldn't survive in this type of game. They wouldn't have enough money. They'd be paying fines all the time. It's ridiculous."

• NEW J-LOW -- Noted Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: "On the strength of recent performances by Dallas' Adam 'Pacman' Jones and Jerry Jones, not to mention Dow Jones, keeping up with the Joneses isn't what it used to be."

• LESSONS IN LOVE -- A woman put down $15,000 for a tennis lesson from Andy Roddick at a charity auction, the Los Angeles Times reported -- after Roddick upped the bidding by saying he'd do it in the nude. Still awaiting word on what they got for golf tips with John Daly.

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