LEFTOVERS: Onion puts bowls in their place
The online satirical website The Onion is so good that its spoofs often have been mistaken for real news stories.
Such as:
“Thousands Turn Out for Empire State Building’s Annual No-Hassle Suicide Day.”
“George Zimmerman Wins Florida State Lottery.”
“Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex.”
Yes, people believed those “headlines” and more from The Onion.
So when the site produced its list of tops bowls, it became a must-read that some college football fans will believe is real.
— “Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Neither Baylor nor Central Florida has ever played in a legitimate BCS bowl, but both teams are hoping to do so next season.”
— “Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Buffalo and San Diego State square off in a game they were too embarrassed to tell their friends and family they were involved in.”
— “Allstate Sugar Bowl: Alabama plays Oklahoma in a hard-fought battle between two parts of the country we don’t need.”
— “Rose Bowl: Players from both teams (Michigan State and Stanford) are excited, since the word is there might be an NFL scout in attendance.”
— “BCS National Championship Game: The matchup between FSU and Auburn will ultimately come down to which team put together a stronger class of recruiting violations last year.”
No mention of the Heart of Dallas Bowl between UNLV and North Texas.
Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
■ SPURRIER SPEAKS — If it’s Steve Spurrier and a TV camera or tape recorder is nearby, you know it’s going to be good.
And so it was when the South Carolina football coach met the media to discuss the Capital One Bowl against Wisconsin.
He was asked about his star defensive end, Jadeveon Clowney, recently getting pulled over for driving 110 mph, and the former Florida coach couldn’t resist having some fun at Florida State’s expense.
“I didn’t know Jadeveon’s car could go that fast,” Spurrier said. “He doesn’t have a pretty car like those FSU guys used to drive.”
He also couldn’t help but tweak his alma mater, which failed to make a bowl for the first time since 1990.
“Somebody told me the Gators are staying home for the holidays,” Spurrier said. “Maybe we can get a bunch of Gators to come to our game.”
Doesn’t get any better than the Ol’ Ball Coach.
■ BOEHEIM BLASTS — Like Spurrier, Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim usually is not afraid to speak his mind.
He isn’t as sold on the much-hyped group of freshmen many expect to become game-changers in the NBA.
“There’s no player that’s out there on the horizon that’s a Tim Duncan or a LeBron James,” Boeheim told SNY.tv. “I’ve seen all these guys play. I think they’re very talented players. They’re not that kind of player. They’re not transcendent players that are going to make your franchise into a 10-12-15-year winning franchise because you’re there. I don’t see that.”
If Boeheim’s right about players such as Jabari Parker and Andrew Wiggins, some NBA teams might want to reconsider their tanking plans to get into the draft lottery, which seems to include just about the entire Eastern Conference.
COMPILED BY MARK ANDERSON LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL
