Another sort of Christmas story: There is life after abuse

She always kept a bag packed in the car. She always wanted to be prepared. That’s what they tell you anyway — that until a victim of domestic violence has an alternate plan and the courage to see it through, the abuse will be repeated.

The beatings won’t end.

It was Christmas time 15 years ago in Las Vegas, and Barbara Marshall and her two sons were hiding in a local shelter, concealed with other victims from those who inflicted all the pain and suffering, cloaked in secrecy among others crouched in the corner, shut off from the outside world and more bruises.

“I had reached the point where I couldn’t take it any more,” Marshall said. “My children were witnessing the violence and nobody should have to live through that, whether it’s one time or 30 times. We had to leave. We had to get out.”

Brandon Marshall was 10 then, far from the NFL linebacker for the Denver Broncos you see on television now, and watching his father abuse his mother left a indelible scar on him and brother Marcus, who was 12 at the time.

There is a reason the Associated Press ranked the NFL’s troubles with domestic violence as its top sports story of 2014, a mess of a crisis defined by a videotape of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking his now-wife unconscious in an Atlantic City casino elevator in February.

It has become a lightning rod of discussion that led to sweeping initiative within the league, a torrent of controversy defined by widespread criticism of commissioner Roger Goodell’s handling of such matters and, well, most everything else he has done the last eight years.

Marshall knows only this: His standing as an NFL player allows him a platform to help others.

Example: Earlier this season, Marshall held a clothing drive in Denver to collect coats and other winter items for survivors of domestic violence. The mayor (Michael Hancock) attended to show his support, his sister having been killed in a domestic violence incident in 2002.

Marshall was a fifth-round draft pick of Jacksonville in 2012, a former Cimarron-Memorial and UNR standout who is just now finding his way in the league. He leads the Broncos in tackles this season with 113, but missed Monday’s loss at Cincinnati with an injured foot.

“I spent my first two years in the league solidifying my place, and now that people recognize me, I want to use my voice,” he said. “(Domestic violence) shouldn’t be tolerated in any walk of life. It’s cowardly. As a 10-year old, watching it happen, you feel helpless. Once we were in the shelter, my brother and I felt we were then the men of the house and had to protect our mom at all costs.

“I think the entire experience shaped me in huge ways. I saw the abuse first-hand. I told myself right then that there were goals I wanted to accomplish and I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way. I was going to treat women with respect. Our mom never gave up. She was always strong for us. She epitomizes hard work and perseverance. She means the world to me.”

Barbara lives in Virginia now, having visited friends in the state a few years ago and taken to the area. There, she works as a domestic violence advocate, using her own experience to help others.

Her advice to victims is not uncommon, that while seeking help is arguably the toughest part of the healing process, you don’t have to be the one crouching in the corner of a shelter.

That there is life after abuse.

That it doesn’t have to control your existence.

Her sons grew up (Marcus is married, has three children and is a singer/songwriter here in Las Vegas) and she left it up to them whether or not to have a relationship with their father.

They have one.

She doesn’t.

Fifteen years ago sometimes feels like yesterday. It was Christmas then, too, a mother and her two sons hiding in a shelter with 30 other abused women and 60 other children, trying to discover some happiness and joy from the holiday and yet unsure what the future held and if the violence was really over.

“I know that time scared both boys,” Barbara said. “They went into survival mode and became little soldiers, zeroing in on the idea that they would be better in life, that treating women like that was wrong. I’m extremely proud of them.

“Brandon is now able to meet people through his position in the NFL and really help them. He’s taking care of his business. The journey to this place in our lives means we can breathe. No worry. No stress. We are safe. We are OK.

“I understand many don’t want to speak out. But we feel this need to share, especially considering what has happened in the NFL. Maybe we just help one person, but even that would make it all worth it.”

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ed Graney can be reached at egraney@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-4618. He can be heard from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday through Friday on “Gridlock,” ESPN 1100 and 100.9 FM. Follow him on Twitter: @edgraney