Oh, God! We sure could use some chaos in college football

I hope George Burns was telling John Denver the truth.

I hope if we talk, God listens.

It’s a simple request. Nothing about eternal health and happiness. No requesting answers about world hunger. No wondering about our future and what it holds. No asking for forgiveness. No challenging the idea that Noah’s Ark was big enough to fit tens of thousands of animal species. No dismay at the existence of Justin Bieber.

Well, maybe a touch of dismay.

Just one plea: On Tuesday evening, let Alabama be ranked fifth.

In other words, throw us down a good ol’ chunk of chaos and craziness.

Armageddon is defined as the last battle between good and evil before the Day of Judgment arrives, a dramatic and catastrophic event likely to destroy the human race. Who knew it could emerge in the form of a college football playoff.

On Tuesday, the 12-member selection committee (it was 13 until Archie Manning recently bowed out because of health reasons or the fact he couldn’t stand the idea of watching more go-routes from Marshall-Old Dominion) will release its first Top 25 rankings, including those four teams it deems most worthy at the moment of advancing to the inaugural playoff.

In the big picture of which teams will ultimately make the semifinals, this means nothing. The committee will release its rankings weekly until Dec. 7, when the final list is made public and we learn who will compete for a national championship and which teams just missed out. It’s a fluid process, sure to change as teams lose and fall while others win and rise.

But in the immediacy of history being made when the first rankings are announced and in the reality of how deranged and demented some fan bases are, it’s everything.

I’m big on transparency in these matters, having long believed the NCAA Tournament selection committee, and now this current group of folks deciding which four teams make a football playoff, should allow into their rooms of debate an independent party to listen and observe and later vow publicly that a fair and impartial process took place.

That part probably won’t happen with either the basketball or football committees. I’m sure these people want to paint a clear portrait of the procedure. Just not a crystal clear one.

I don’t need to know who Tom Osborne or Condoleezza Rice or Pat Haden or so forth votes for weekly, just that the discourse isn’t a sham. A third party would solve that issue. People need to trust the system. Voters should make their final ballots public. I’m not holding my breath on that one, either.

I’m also not sure how excited the selection committee truly is about exposing its rankings so early, given the potential uproar and irrational reactions we might see weekly from various points on college football’s map of fanatical devotees.

Down in Alabama, they have been known to kill historic oak trees of a rival school and commit murder when one fan didn’t react passionately enough following a loss by the Crimson Tide.

Can you imagine the lunacy that might be created in Tuscaloosa should Alabama, which doesn’t deserve a spot in the semifinals today, not be ranked in the top four come Tuesday?

Please, God. Let it happen.

I ask for so little.

Television rules the universe and ESPN owns the broadcast rights to the playoff, which is the only reason we will know the committee’s thoughts beginning next week. It’s good for business. I’m not certain, however, it’s good for the overall health and safety of those 12 committee members.

Jeff Long is the athletic director at Arkansas and also the committee chairman. He insists that as weekly rankings are released, he will tell the nation just how close the vote was, how much distance there is at the time between Nos. 4 and 5, how best to keep your trees safe from Spike 80DF poison. This will happen for the first time at 4:30 p.m. Tuesday. I’m counting the seconds.

It is a committee that suggests its final vote will hinge on things such as championships won and strength of schedule and head-to-head results and comparative outcomes of common opponents, meaning far more subjective data than not.

But what does strength of schedule really mean, and will 12 people define it independently?

Not every team above .500 is the same. Not even close.

You can promise a system that assigns more weight on some factors than others, but when it comes time to vote, you are still talking about human beings with individual biases.

It’s no different from the basketball selection committee, but a lot more important in the world of college athletics.

Football is king, and there is finally a playoff to determine its champion.

The chaos begins for real Tuesday.

A promise: If Alabama ranks fifth, God, I will immediately retract my wish for an iWatch.

If it ranks sixth, I will immediately devote my life to missionary work in Third World countries.

While, of course, praying for the survival of 12 committee members.

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ed Graney can be reached at egraney@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-4618. He can be heard from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday through Friday on “Gridlock,” ESPN 1100 and 98.9 FM. Follow him on Twitter: @edgraney.