Modern nets spoil the swish

An official basketball rim is 18 inches in diameter, about an inch wider than twice the diameter of an official men's basketball. So it's possible for two balls to fit inside the rim at once.

If you've been to an NBA shoot-around, unless it's a Wizards shoot-around, you've probably seen this. Sometimes a third ball clogs the cylinder, and then one of the power forwards has to poke the balls out the top before the basket starts to look like a sack of oranges.

I used to think this was cool, until I did it once, after sneaking onto the court with the starters on the J.V. team and draining a long one. But when two basketballs enter the cylinder simultaneously, they don't make that swish! sound.

And without the swish! sound, it's hard to make a strong case for shooting baskets.

It's the perfect payoff. If one shoots a basketball in a perfect arc, and it doesn't touch iron - and the wind's not blowing too hard - one will be rewarded. Swish! Unless one is shooting baskets in the inner city of Philadelphia, or someplace like that, where the rims in the schoolyards usually don't have nets. In that case, one will be rewarded with a long walk to fetch one's basketball.

When I used to be able sink jump shots, that always was a factor.

"Wanna go down to Sacred Heart and shoot some hoops?"

"Depends. They got nets at Sacred Heart?"

"Yeah. Father O'Malley bought some new ones with money from the second collection."

(Sacred Heart was one of my favorite places to play pickup basketball - not only because the asphalt had nets, but because the court was tucked between the church and the convent, so no wind. Plus the presence of priests and nuns often discouraged fights after ticky-tack fouls were called.)

But nylon nets don't hold up in inclement weather. Besides misdemeanor crime, this would account for the rims in Philly not having nets. This is why chain nets, which produce an industrial sounding swish!, were invented. It wouldn't surprise me to learn the advent of the chain net can be traced to the former East Germany.

But then the one guy from the suburbs who could dunk must have gotten his ring finger stuck in a chain net, and then there probably was a little blood, and then there probably was a lawsuit. Because the nets at Sunset Park now look like those safety belts that crossing guards wear, only they are black instead of orange.

So the other day I'm jacking 3s like the Rebels, and like on the 12th one I draw iron, and then the 21st or 22nd one feels real good when it leaves my hand. Perfect arc, nice rotation. One of those Jerry West jobs.

Swish!

Only it doesn't go swish!. It goes flubt!, or whatever sound it makes when a perfectly executed jump shot hits the bottom of a net that resembles a crossing guard's safety belt.

According to the website, there's a new and improved DuraNet that comes with "double legs" and an "arched bottom" and a "better swish." It costs $40.

It looks like Father O'Malley will be having a third collection on Sunday.

THREE UP

■ So Earl Weaver passes Saturday, then a few hours later, maybe around the eighth inning had there been a ballgame scheduled - just about the time the home team could really use a three-run homer - Stan Musial dies. Maybe there really is a Big Dodger in the Sky.

■ Did you know that new UNLV offensive coordinator Timm Rosenbach is the only Phoenix Cardinals quarterback to start all 16 games of an NFL season? But if you use this information to win a bar bet, make sure you say "Phoenix" and not "Arizona" Cardinals. You should also make sure the guy you bet with isn't meaner than Joe Greene.

■ Elijah Johnson (Cheyenne High) and Kansas beat Pierre Jackson (Desert Pines) and Baylor, 61-44 on Jan. 14. Johnson scored 12 points; Jackson scored 10. Jackson will try to get even March 9 when the Bears host the Jayhawks. Or at Sunset Park in June when the Shirts play the Skins.

THREE DOWN

■ Luke Martinez, one of the top scorers for the Wyoming basketball team, has been suspended indefinitely for getting into a fight in a Laramie bar. The Buckhorn Bar. In Laramie, when stuff happens, it's almost always at a place called the Buckhorn Bar, or the Dusty Spurs Saloon, or the Dew Drop Inn. Rarely is it the Purple Parrot. Or Applebee's.

■ Fans at Auto Club Speedway in California who pay $799 for access to the new Pit Box Lounge will be able to enter the bar area via a spiral slide. This could only happen at a NASCAR race. I'm talking about paying $799 for access to a lounge.

■ Is it just me or does Dave Rice need to tape a cheetah to Anthony Bennett's back so he can get up and down the court a little faster?

Las Vegas Review-Journal sports columnist Ron Kantowski can be reached at rkantowski@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0352. Follow him on Twitter: @ronkantowski.