Tight end’s beer request not heeded

Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley is, well, cool.

While a plethora of pampered pro athletes have had perks ranging from first-class plane tickets to a personal masseuse included in their contracts, all Cooley wanted was a couple of cold ones.

“I have text correspondence trying to negotiate a case of beer into my contract,” Cooley said this week after agreeing to a one-year deal with the Redskins. “They wouldn’t do it. I wanted it in writing so much.”

Cooley’s mistake was in making a mere modest request to free-spending Redskins owner Dan Snyder. Had he asked for a brewery or a team of Clydesdales instead, Cooley would’ve been swimming in barley and hops by now.

Limited to five games last season by a knee injury and released by the Redskins in August, Cooley brushed off concerns about his ability to pass a physical.

“I’ve had so many people text, ‘How’d the physical go?’ Literally, you go into the training room, and the doctor’s like, ‘How are you feeling, man? Good? Good. OK, you passed,’ ” he said. “The doctor that did it is the doctor that did my knee surgery before … I mean, he knows me. So it’s not up in the air. I’m healthy. My knee’s not swollen; I’m not overweight.

“I’m sure if I was a fat slob when I walked in there yesterday, someone would be like, ‘Hey, let’s run a little bit.’ But I’m in good shape.”

Our favorite contract clause was given in 1987 to former Houston Astros reliever Charlie Kerfeld, who, to match his uniform number, received 37 boxes of orange Jell-O.

Encouraging the portly pitcher to eat poorly proved to be a disastrous decision, though, as he was caught devouring ribs in the dugout that season and never regained his form from 1986, when he went 11-2 out of the bullpen.

Kerfeld held the record for most food consumed during a game by a player until last year, when several Red Sox pitchers shattered the mark.

■ ROUND MOUND – In a new TV commercial for Weight Watchers entitled “Roll Call,” NBA analyst Charles Barkley steps up to a podium, opens a leather-bound book and begins reciting names: “Peter. Richard. Johnson. Willie.”

Sir Charles then starts dropping every nickname but his own, the “Round Mound of Rebound,” including Cyclops, Admiral Winkie, Dr. Longshanks, Buster McThunderstick, Prince Everhard III, Colonel Poker and The Bald Avenger.

Along the way, an announcer says, “For every 35 pounds you lose, you may gain an inch.”

We’re pretty sure he’s not talking about Barkley’s height, which was greatly exaggerated during his playing days.

Since the commercial was released, weight loss among men reportedly has increased dramatically.

■ MAGIC MEAT – A former flight attendant on Magic Johnson’s private jet is suing him for wrongful termination.

Lanita Thomas claims she was fired for being seven minutes late for a flight and that the delay was due to Johnson requiring two types of turkey meat for his sandwich.

This supports the belief by Lakers fans that Magic ate Bird for lunch.

COMPILED BY TODD DEWEY
LAS VEGAS REVIEW-JOURNAL

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