Another politician attacks games and the First Amendment after gun lobbyists give him cash

So Lamar Alexander (Republican of Tennessee) just suggested that video games kill more people than guns do. Gee, what lobby do you think shoots a bunch of money into Lamar Alexander's campaign chests, hmmm?

Now look. I am a video game columnist. I play video games a lot, and I have played games for a long time. So this makes me an expert. As such, I can assert the following:

Anyone who says "video games are more dangerous than guns" is the stupidest, dumbest, most inane, gasbag, dirty, rotten, money-grubbing, jackass vermin who has ever lived. (Is that hyperbole? Why, yes it is. I'm making a point: It is less hyperbolic than saying "video games are more dangerous than guns.")

Oh wait. Do you want to make a reasoned argument that you, Lamar Alexander, 72, play games and know what they are, and so you have some wisdom to depart?

Or maybe Lamar Alexander, you are a paid spokesman for the National Rifle Association, as evidenced by this story in the Chatanooga Times Free Press, specifically citing you, Lamar Alexander, as a top money grabber from the NRA ("Gun lobby funds flow into greater Chattanooga area elections").

I should now go into a bunch of facts to support my case that video games aren't killing people, such as: the average age of video gamers is 30; the gigantic majority of video games aren't shooters, which comprise just 13 percent of the market; and to literally kill someone with a video game would mean you would have to take the game out of your Xbox 360 or PS 3 and try to slice someone to death with the edge of the game's DVD or Blu-ray disc, whereas to kill someone with a gun usually takes just, you know, blam blam, pull the trigger.

But you can't talk facts with people who say things like "video games are more dangerous than guns," because those people are disingenuously trying to blunt and obscure emotional outpourings from parents across America in response to kids getting killed all the time by lunatics over-exercising their Second Amendment rights.

But I will say this, because I know some people always say, "You're trying to take away my guns!" No. No, I'm not trying to take away your guns. I am not a politician. I do not belong to an anti-gun lobby or organization. I have never told a gun owner to get rid of household guns. So don't even start with me, you people looking for scapegoats and bumper stickers. I don't care about your weapons.

All I am saying is this: Video games are not more dangerous than guns by incredibly massive margins. What are you going to say next? That LEGOs are more dangerous than guns? Why not? It makes just as much sense to lunatics.

Why am I so worked up about this? Because I am sick and tired of money-grubbing nuts trying to scapegoat everything onto games. Money-grubbing nuts used to blame everything on Elvis, then the Beatles, heavy metal, and the movies, and books, and "Murphy Brown," and all sorts of creative endeavors.

If you want to have a serious discussion about the influence of art on life, then that would be a nice, fun, entertaining and broad-ranging conversation about all of the good things art inspires and all of the bad things art inspires. You could certainly say a book such as Mein Kampf had a terrible impact. But do you know what gave Hitler the ability to engage a World War? WEAPONS! And to quote Chris Rock's defense of oft-scapegoated-in-Congress rap music, "What did Hitler listen to?" I would amend that to: "What video games did Hitler and Stalin play? What video game did Lee Harvey Oswald play?"

But nobody (gun supporters or opponents) ever wants to have a delightful national conversation about all the great and bad things art inspires. We are not that kind of nation. We are the kind of nation that jokes about football players with fake girlfriends.

Wait, I want to quote Chris Rock again: "White people sell guns, that's all right. Black rapper SAYS 'guns' — congressional hearing!"

Do you see what I'm getting at? Lamar Alexander and other money-grubbing nuts who keep skapegoating the gun issue onto video games are doing the following:

They are profitting off of the Second Amendment at the cost of the First Amendment.

I hate to break it to you Second Amendment fanatics, but, um, it came Second? The First Amendment came First? The First Amendment protects video games. And there are already wayyy more regulations on the First Amendment than the on the Second, which does protect gun rights (duh), but it also says guns can be "well regulated." Don't believe me? I know you have your fingers stuck in your ears, but here is the Second Amendment:

"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

"Well regulated" are the second and third words of the Second Amendment.

Before you, Lamar Alexander, go all bonkers on me, I want to stress again: I am not trying to take away your guns. I am not making a case for regulating guns. I am merely pointing out: 1) Guns kill a zillion more people than video games ever could, and if you disagree, you are an idiot. 2) Please don't insinuate that government should further limit our First Amendment rights to video games as your skapegoating attempt to prevent government from beginning to well-regulate your weapons. You obviously have the Free Speech right to blame video games for things, but if you do, keep in mind you are bashing YOUR OWN FIRST AMENDMENT, you nut.

Here's another thing for you to think about, Lamar Alexander. I lived in Knoxville many years ago. My then-wife was stalked by three different guys, and there are no video games to this day that train men how to stalk women. I guess they just learned that on their own? How crazy is that? Also while I lived in Knoxville, I covered dead bodies on the side of the road as a result of car accidents. Are you gonna blame those on the driving game "Daytona USA?" I also wrote stories in Tennessee about dudes who took baseball bats and beat in the windshields of their ex-girlfriends' new boyfriends' trucks. Which video games in 1991 inspired those guys to baseball-bat those trucks? "Sonic the Hedgehog?" Do you see, Lamar Alexander, why I think your skapegoating position is a complete and total shim-shammery? Because it is.

Now, here's a fact for you, Senator:

If you look closely at that chart, you will see that most games are not "Grand Theft Auto" or "Call of Duty." So if you're going to persist in your dumb skapegoating, please start saying "shooting games," which amount to just 13 percent of best-selling games, are more dangerous than guns. And then try to make your dumb argument as to how a VIRTUAL GUN in a cartoon-y game is killing someone more than a REAL GUN does that fires BULLETS into people's heads. I mean, how can you, Lamar Alexander, defend the right to own a gun but not the right to own an illustration of a gun in a video game? Since you are a gun fetishist and paid spokesman for the NRA, shouldn't you support all guns, real and virtual? (Hey Lamar, just think how much more money you could pocket if there was a Virtual NRA that paid you to shill for cartoon guns! Wow. A lot.)

Or maybe, Lamar Alexander, you are worried about all those dangerous online games?

Oh yes, all those online puzzle and basketball games are just KILLING Americans left and right, while poor little guns sit in cabinets.

But to be honest, Lamar Alexander, I don't expect anything of value to come out of your mouth considering video games, since you are a paid politician for the NRA, which started this whole video game skapegoating thing weeks ago.

So instead, let me show you "NBA 2K12" because look at how more-dangerous-than-guns it is!