Dear President Bush, a lot of bloggers today commented on how you look like you’re losing your gray hair; you look like you’ve aged 20 years in a few weeks; and even your nose looks "disgruntled and distressed" and "pointier."
I have a short-term solution for your hair, at least: dye it blond. I mean, look at how much hair you still have left. Lots. Enough to make a blond impression! And clearly, it won’t impact your presidenciness, since you don’t want to be president anymore. It took you, what?, four days to address the stock market crash? I know, it’s hard being the big ups. First 9/11 happened on your watch, then Katrina, now a stock market crash heaped upon a housing crisis, leading to your $1 trillion socialistic welfare bailout of big business. Who knew welfare was your new BFF!?
Anyway, I digress. What I’m getting at is, since you’ve already checked out and can’t wait to be, what?, baseball commissioner? Whatever your laid-back future is going to be, I sincerely — I swear! — advise you to blond your hair, and maybe even get a buzz cut.
I went blond this year, and it doesn’t necessarily make me look better, but it does make me feel like I’m doing something fun and different in a totally superficial way. Looking in the mirror and seeing blond is like when you grow a beard. You see yourself and say, "Hey, that’s crazy!" It’s not a fundamental change. I’m still the same guy. But what I have noticed is people look at me a little differently. Not better, not worse. Just differently. It changes the channel for a sec.
I know all that gray hair of yours is a distinguished look, for sure. But think about blond. It could be an exciting new way to zest things up, especially if you add BMX-ing to your jogging or whatever. How could would that be, if the president went blond and started BMX-ing down the marble steps of the White House!? And maybe get a hoop earring, just ’cause.