If it’s Friday, it’s the Friday Slashback!

There’s a new/old owner at the Las Vegas Sun, the list of potential new laws is out and Democrats are still pounding poor old Rep. Joe Heck over immigration. It’s a special July 4 edition of the Friday Slashback!

• Diversity of Viewpoints/High-Quality Journalism Update! This week, I inaugurate a new feature, based upon an interview published in the Las Vegas Sun with its new owner, editor and publisher, Brian Greenspun. (Full disclosure: I worked for the Sun and Greenspun from 1993 to 1997, and the Sun is published in a joint-operating agreement with the Review-Journal, where I work now.)

In that interview, Greenspun said the print newspaper audience “…deserves diversity of viewpoints and high-quality journalism.” And I couldn’t agree more! So I tuned in to the Sun on Thursday, the day after the big announcement that Greenspun had assumed sole ownership of the family entity that owns the newspaper and other publications.

And I was greeted by a story “deconstructing the perfect burger.”

That’s right, an exploding diagram consumed almost the entire front page, giving tips on everything from the proper grind of meat (it’s “coarse,” BTW), to advice about cheese (American!) and pickles (“don’t go overboard”), to bun (“the bun to burger ratio is incredibly important”).

A couple things here: One, the story is woefully incomplete, having utterly failed to address the addition of bacon, grilled onions and that sublime combo of ketchup and mayo that is the poor man’s special sauce. And two, this story was written by a news service based in … New York City?!

Lest you think this was simply the print version of clickbait design to lure readers into a news-rich interior, there were a total of four local stories in the eight-page paper, lots of syndicated opinions, a couple of entertainment columns and a back page photo montage of the “LVH” sign being deconstructed. There was, as is typical, no local editorial.

Now, as an employee of the rival newspaper, you’d expect me to be full of snark and sarcasm about the Sun. But the truth is, I really do hope for diverse viewpoints and high-quality journalism, since that kind of competition makes every journalist in town better. We’re talking, after all, about the only Las Vegas newspaper ever to win a Pulitzer Prize, and for a very important story about construction deaths on the Las Vegas Strip. I really do hope that Greenspun’s promise of “bold new plans for high-impact and enterprise reporting that could create a model for the rest of the nation” come to pass. Because Las Vegas needs as much of that as it can get.

Still, I remain skeptical. Very skeptical.

• State Sen. Minority Leader Michael Roberson, R-Henderson, says he thinks his party will take over the upper house of the Nevada Legislature this year. Then again, what’s the guy going to say, “we’re gonna lose”?

In order to win, Roberson needs to win re-election himself in his Henderson district, as well as keep Republican District 8 in the GOP column and take District 9 away from incumbent Democratic state Sen. Justin Jones. It’s a tall order, but Roberson isn’t shrinking from the task.

“I think structurally the dynamics are right for the Republicans to take the state Senate this year,” Roberson told the Las Vegas Sun’s Kyle Roerink. (I’m pretty sure that’s Rober-speak for “we’re gonna win!”)

“The answer is that it is my job to make sure Senate Republicans win and that we take a majority in the state Senate next session to help Gov. [Brian] Sandoval advance his legislative agenda,” Roberson added. “I think we have the best opportunity we’ve had in many, many years.”

That’s sure to anger the right-wingers who ran unsuccessfully in primary challenges against Roberson and his hand-picked candidates in Districts 8 and 9. They think his job is to stand against all tax increases and government growth, even if the governor favors those things on occasion. Then again, after winning those primaries, I’m pretty sure Roberson would tell those guys to suck it. But he’d probably phrase it thus: “I think structurally the dynamics are right for the far-right in our party to suck it!”

• So the “Linq” will replace the “Quad,” which in turned replaced the Imperial Palace. Current owner Caesars Entertainment is totally upgrading the rooms, the suites and the public areas, according to the Review-Journal’s Rick Velotta. Meanwhile, the LVH, which replaced the Las Vegas Hilton, which replaced the International, will now be rebranded the Westgate. And that comes after the Sahara has been renamed the SLS. And THE Hotel will be re-branded as Delano Las Vegas. And the Barbary Coast became Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall, which almost became the Gansevoort, but ultimately became the Cromwell. Who can keep track of all this?

Well, at least we know the Wynn Las Vegas will never change its name…

• Thank God! Bob Goodman won’t drop out! Democratic gubernatorial “nominee” Bob Goodman told the Review-Journal’s Laura Myers this week that he won’t drop out of the race for governor, and that he even intends to win. But seeing as he lost to “None of These Candidates” in the primary, and Gov. Brian Sandoval took 90 percent of the vote in the GOP contest, the changes of Bob Goodman winning are the chances of me winning the Pulitzer Prize for the Slashback, being named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive and successfully kayaking from San Diego to Honolulu, all in the same year.

Rumors of his departure from the gubernatorial race were circulated by a couple of other losing candidates, who lost not only to “None of These Candidates” but also to Goodman. Fred Conquest, a Nevada State College professor known for his churlish Facebook rants, and Dr. Stephen Frye, a marijuana activist who ardently claims the drug cures cancer, were demanding a recount, until they realized state law mandates that a person calling for a recount must pay for it.

Seriously, guys. When you come in third (Frye, with 8,231 votes or 11 percent) or ninth and dead last (Conquest, with 1,867 or 2.5 percenet), you’ve really got to question the life choices that have led you to that point, and seriously ponder where you go from here. What you don’t do is ask for more attention to the most embarrassing Democratic gubernatorial race in the history of the state by saying you want a recount.

Meanwhile, it’s time for every Nevada Democrat to get behind their true nominee. “None of These Candidates” for governor 2014!

• So, it’s that time again, summer in an even-numbered year, when a young lawmaker’s thoughts turn to Bill Draft Requests. And the first 138 of them were published on the Nevada Legislature’s website this week.

As always, there are some good ideas and bad ideas. Among the good: trying (again) to adopt a sensible sex-education curriculum for Nevada’s schools, more transparency in campaign contribution and gift reporting, allowing teachers to get reimbursed for money they spend on supplies outside the classroom and establishing a right for sick patients to try experimental drugs, if they choose to do so.

Among the bad: Assemblyman Ira Hansen’s bill to “clarify provisions governing regulation for trapping of fur-bearing mammals.” This couldn’t be somehow related to citations Hansen received on charges of illegal trapping, could it? (Hansen placed the allegedly illegal traps in early November 2013, and requested this trapping bill on Nov. 19, 2013. News of his citations broke in January.)

If so, the law would be a continuation of Hansen’s smarmy practice of introducing bills that directly benefit him in some way, like the time he introduced a bill regarding attorney’s fees in construction defect law to fix the fact that his Reno plumbing business had been sued a lot. Or the time that he demanded a law making certain public-employee information public after he was denied the contact information for individual members of a sage-grouse committee.

Yes, state lawmakers are supposed to draw upon their experience as private citizens as they go about their elected duties. But no, they’re not supposed to try to legislate out of existence every personal petty dispute they may encounter. Hansen seems more than ready to do that whenever he doesn’t like something.

What’s next, a BDR to ban the Friday Slashback?!

• Democrats once again this week called on Joe Heckto do more to get a comprehensive immigration bill passed. They suggested he could sign a discharge petition for a Senate immigration bill that’s languished in the House because Speaker John Boehner refuses to bring it to the floor.

Now, it’s not likely that Heck’s signature on that petition would have any real effect — you need 218 signatures and at last report, fewer than 200 members had signed. But there are a few other things that Heck could do, although some are unorthodox. Here’s a quick list:

• Bribery. I understand the speaker enjoys a nice Merlot. Heck could show up with a case of 2011 Duckhorn Rector Creek Vineyard Merlot, a very nice choice that the company says is a “lush and alluring expression of Merlot with gorgeous aromas of fig, raspberry jam, cherry cola and vanilla.” After enticing the speaker with a little taste, Heck could say, “there’s more where that came from, Mr. Speaker, especially if we can get immigration reform to the floor!”

• Protests.Not long ago, Heck complained after immigration activists staged a protest in which they’d arranged in advance with police to be arrested at Heck’s district office. Heck could do the same thing, alerting the Capitol Police and then showing up outside Boehner’s office with a bullhorn and yelling slogans until the speaker relents. “Hey, Boehner/I’m Heck! That’s my boot/on your neck! Bring this bill to the floor/before my voters show me the door!”

• Threats. Heck is from Vegas, after all! “Mr. Speaker, it really is a nice office you got here. Love the marble, the fireplaces and whatnot. Be a real shame if anything happened to it, you know what I’m saying? You never can be too careful. Washington, D.C. is dangerous place. Lots of crime, and whatnot. Listen, uh, I could really use some help on this immigration reform thing, and if you was to, you know, bring that bill to the floor, well, I’d be very grateful. Very grateful. And I’d feel an obligation to look out for you, you know? I think you know what I’m saying.”

• Trickery. Remember that one episode of M*A*S*H where Radar put a controversial paper in with all the other orders Col. Potter had to sign? Well, Heck could try something similar, giving Boehner what looks like the Promotion of Hot Dogs and Apple Pie on the Fourth of July Act of 2014, but what’s really the It’s About Damn Time We Fixed This Ridiculously Screwed Up Immigration System Act of 2014. By the time he realizes the switcheroo, the bill would be on the floor and under debate!

• Nude bicycle protest. This would be extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved, but the sight of Heck and some other GOP congressmen who support a vote riding nude under the speaker’s favorite smoking balcony every day just might move Boehner to relent. Or give up smoking. Either way, this form of protest seems to work in San Francisco, where, unlike Las Vegas, it’s apparently illegal to run over a nude bicyclist.

• And finally today, it’s the Fourth of July! And a scant 238 years ago, our forefathers pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor to the proposition of a free and independent United States of America.

Why? It turns out rule under the British Empire pretty much sucked. Thomas Jefferson compiled a little list, which he included in the Declaration of Independence. Here’s a few of the particulars, along with some comments from yours truly.

• He [King George III] has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained. In America today, we pass laws through Congress, at least when Republicans and Democrats can actually agree on passing a law.

• He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable and distant from the depository of their public records for the purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures. He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. Today, Congress meets regularly in Washington, D.C. to conduct business, and no one can tell them otherwise.

• He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected… Today, we elect representatives at regular intervals without interruption from the executive.

• He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers. He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices and the amount and payment of their salaries. We fixed that with Article III of the U.S. Constitution.

• He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance. Lots of people say this is going on now, although the top marginal income tax rate is 39.6 percent for regular income.

• He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to the civil power. Today, civilian control of the military is a firmly established doctrine.

• He has combined with others to subject us to jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation. Today, the U.S. Constitution “…and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land.” (U.S. Const. Article VI.)

• For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: For protecting them, by a mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states. Today, no one — military or civilian — is above the law.

• For imposing taxes on us without our consent. Today, we impose taxes only upon the vote of our elected representatives. Here in the state of Nevada, that requires a two-thirds supermajority in most cases.

• For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury: For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses. Today, we have the right to trial by jury of peers in the jurisdiction where the offense is charged, guaranteed by the Constitution.

• For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. No state legislature has been suspended any time recently, although I could probably get a petition going among lawmakers, journalists, lobbyists and the governor to postpone the next gathering of Nevada’s Legislature.

• He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns and destroyed the lives of our people. This is not a concern today.

• He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands. Again, not a modern concern.

So what’s my point? Despite all the complaining that we do about our government — some of which is actually valid — our modern government is nothing like the oppression that the Founding Fathers faced at the hands of the British. In those days, there was little protection from murder, theft, show trials or dragooning; today, we have rights vigorously protected by the Constitution.

And even in cases where the executive overreaches — for example, making a recess appointment to a high federal office when the U.S. Senate isn’t in recess — the executive is checked by the judicial branch. In case after case this term, the U.S. Supreme Court acted to enforce the rights of the people, whether to be free of searches and seizures of the contents of their cell phones or to protest outside abortion clinics.

The bottom line? If you think the federal government is anything like the government of King George III, if you think America is need of a second revolution, and if you think your rights today are in jeopardy the way our founders’ rights were, then you are simply ignorant of history. Because of those men and their foresight, because of the war they fought and the Constitution they wrote, we have much better, much freer lives, and we owe them a debt of gratitude that echoes through the centuries.

Happy Fourth of July!