Huge news, Las Vegas sports fans: the town may soon be getting an Arena Football League team!
Now, there is only one way that this development could get any bigger.
And here it is: Vince frickin’ Neil plans to make it happen!
That’s right, the Motley Crue frontman, tequila connoisseur and rocker-about-town recently bought into the Jacksonville AFL team, and has said that he hopes to bring a franchise to Vegas next.
Color us stoked.
We can barely contain our excitement, and so we won’t even try.
Instead, we’ve come up with some kick ass potential team names and mascots for Neil’s squad.
Time to root, root, root for the home team, dudes.
Team name: The You’re-Invited-But-Your-Friend-Can’t-Comes
Mascot: Pauley Shore.
Named after Neil’s biggest solo hit, which was prominently featured on the “Encino Man” soundtrack, hence the recruitment of Shore. And really, what could that guy possibly have better to do these days than fire a T-shirt cannon at the crowd at home games?
Team name: The Dr. Feelgoods
Mascot: Petey the Pot Leaf.
The title track of the Crue’s biggest selling record is one of the band’s most well-known tunes, a fist-in-the-air rocker about the life and times about a drug dealer, so the cannabis connection is an obvious one. Relax, prudes, Petey would only advocate the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes, of course, to treat such maladies as boredom and the 9-to-5 work day.
Team name: Girls, Girls, Girls
Mascot: A bunch of strippers.
OK, not the most fear-inducing team name, but we all know how much Neil loves strip clubs — the guy even owns one, Vince Neil’s Girls, Girls, Girls, natch— so he could bring some of the talent from said establishment to home games to distract the opposition by having a lass named Delicious work one of the goal posts like a stripper pole.
Team name: The Winning Tickets
Mascot: Punchy the Parlay Card.
Hit the Red Rock sports book on any given Sunday during the NFL season and you’ll most likely see Neil there, as he’s an avid sports bettor. Punchy, then, would be an ideal mascot, but here’s the twist: when the team fails to cover, instead of fans tearing up their parlay tickets in anger, Punchy beats the hell out of any and all spectators within reach. Consider the tables turned, hombre.
Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at firstname.lastname@example.org or 702-383-0476. Follow @JasonBracelin on Twitter.