The other day, I told Steven Wright he should get an honorary Oscar for his small but unforgettable roles in "Reservoir Dogs," "Babe: Pig in the City" and "So I Married an Axe Murderer."
"Yeah, 'The Tiniest Parts In Many Movies' -- that would be funny as a category," he said and laughed. "They could show all the parts. They wouldn't even have to make it into clips."
My favorite new jokes from the droll comedian: "What did Jesus ever do for Santa Claus on his birthday?" And: "A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently it wasn't first place."
Wright performs Saturday and Sunday at The Orleans. He doesn't do up Vegas. No gambling, etc. Last year, he rented a motorcycle and drove out of town before gigs.
"I rented it for three days," he said. "It was fun. I just got on it and started riding out of town. I don't remember which direction I went. But you know, you can be out in the desert so fast. It's beautiful."
If you go see him ($33-$55), he might or might not be wearing a beard. He grew it a year and a half ago.
"It's gonna go soon, though. I miss my face."
MORE TIGER TAILS
Check out my lvrj.com blog, in which a clinical consultant for The Meadows, where Tiger Woods went for after-care, gives me insight into the self-esteem issues of sex addicts.
Tiger really is the gift that keeps on giving. McFadden's restaurant-bar at the Rio is throwing a tasteful contest Saturday called Golf Pros and Tiger Hoes. They're looking for the self-identified "ho" that combines "preppy-meets-sexy." There's also a Hole-in-One contest because every single thing related to Woods is a double-entendre.
There should be at least six people at Evander Holyfield versus Francois Botha on Saturday at Thomas & Mack ($25-$250) ... AC/DC probably will do two-plus hours tonight at MGM ($103.93) ... Cher's back at Caesars, Saturday-April 28 ($100-$255) ... Garth Brooks returns to Wynn tonight-Sunday ($143) ... Alicia Keys is self-helpy tonight at Mandalay Bay Events Center ($50-$130) ... 30 Seconds to Mars rocks tonight at Palms ($30) ... Muse rocks Saturday at Mandalay Bay ($35-$55). For more, read today's Neon section.
Doug Elfman's column appears Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. E-mail him at email@example.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.